Most people can forgive a difficult personality if the person is at least kind to the people they love. Loud, fine. A little high-maintenance, okay.

But calling your boyfriend to scream at him during his father’s 10-hour cancer surgery because the operation is taking too long and he should be home by now crosses a line.

One man has been cataloguing these moments for three years, trying and failing to find something redeeming in his brother’s girlfriend.

His brother is conflicted but has also bought an engagement ring. Now he’s stuck between speaking up and wondering if he’s been too harsh the entire time.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for telling my brother I can’t stand his girlfriend

My brother has been dating a woman for the past 3 years that I can only describe as loud, controlling, and self-centered.

I’ve tried incredibly hard over the past 3 years to like her, and I’ll get close to it before she does something else that reminds me how selfish she is.

He gives several examples of her problematic behavior.

1. During our dad’s 10 hour pancreatic cancer surgery she called and berated him over the phone loud enough for me to hear because the surgery wasn’t over yet and he was taking too long to get home.

2. Baking Christmas cookies with our grandma and she called and yelled at him yet again because she thought he would be home before she got off work.

3. Came out of the bathroom in underclothes to dry her hair in front of me, my husband, and our dad, while my brother was in a different room.

4. Went to an amusement park with us: got mad at my brother for riding rides without her, and also got mad and cried on every single ride she went on. When I suggested she stop riding rides and let my brother and I go on a few without her, she stomped away and sat down and cried in the middle of the amusement park.

The list continues…

5. Self-proclaimed that she loves attention (specifically male attention), and that she just “has never been able to get along with other women.”

6. Self-proclaimed “just one of the guys.”

7. Every time she is ready to leave our parents’ house she sits down and pouts and shoots daggers at my brother until he says he is ready to go.

His brother partly understands what he means, but he’s also considering taking their relationship to the next level.

My brother says he is now conflicted about where he stands with his girlfriend, and I do feel bad.

He recently bought an engagement ring as well.

What if this is truly the person he is supposed to be with and I’m just being too harsh and critical?

AITA?

This woman definitely doesn’t sound like a keeper.

What did Reddit have to say?

Two things can be true at once.

At a certain point, he may just have to accept his brother’s choice for what it is.

One red flag sticks out from the rest for this user.

This commenter hopes a breakup is in the near future.

He asked “what if this is truly the person he’s supposed to be with,” and the honest answer is that nobody is “supposed to be” with someone who screams at them during their father’s surgery and cries in public until they get their way.

This situation has gone beyond just a simple question of compatibility. There’s a clear pattern of emotional manipulation that’s been allowed to run unchecked for far too long.

If his sibling cares about his wellbeing, and the wellbeing of the family, he’ll call off the engagement before it’s too late.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who is surprised to be charged admission at a church event since she provided all of the social media promotion for free.