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Living with others can be challenging when needs are different.

The following story is about a woman who struggled with sensory overload at her boyfriend’s house and felt unsupported.

During a small dance gathering, loud music triggered a meltdown because her request to lower it was ignored.

Now, she and her boyfriend are clashing over who should handle the situation moving forward.

Read the full story below for all the details.

AITA for refusing to go to my boyfriend’s house if he can’t promise it won’t get loud?

I am autistic and very sensitive to sound.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He is super close with his housemates.

I go over to his place one to three days per week. I have gotten close with many of his housemates, too.

Over the past three months, I have had three sensory overload meltdowns at his place.

They have absolutely ruined my day.

This woman got overwhelmed by the loud music and had a complete meltdown.

Most recently, he and I decided to throw a little mini dance party. It was my idea.

I rounded up his roommates. They excitedly joined in.

One of them turned up the music. It was blasting and destabilizing for me.

I politely asked her to turn it down. She refused.

She likely did not understand the impact it had on me. Then, I had a total meltdown. I cried all night.

She told her boyfriend to deal with his roommates.

Now, I have told my boyfriend something important. I said he needs to deal with his roommates.

He needs to figure out a way for me to not be in a situation again where it might be overly loud for me.

He wants to formulate a plan for all of us and to work together to make things work.

I think I am not part of the plan. It should be his responsibility to work things out with his roommates.

I do not live there. They are not my roommates.

She decided she would only go over to his place if his roommates knew about it.

I have drawn a firm line. I am not willing to compromise or be flexible about this.

I said I will only go over to his house again under one condition.

He needs to check in with his housemates first and get a confirmed yes or no.

He needs to know whether they will create a loud space that is uninhabitable for me.

He said it is not feasible to stop or prevent all cases. He was referring to extremely loud noise.

They argued, and she felt that her feelings were dismissed.

We have been going back and forth over this for hours.  I have been crying to him on the phone.

Now, we have been sending long paragraphs of texts and hashing out the details of the plan.

We have also been discussing his conversations with his various housemates.

He is making me feel like I am being unreasonable. He says I am refusing to do my part in the plan.

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So, I need to know am I the jerk?

Oh no! People with special needs can find it difficult to navigate overwhelming situations like this.

It’s sad how OP’s feelings and requests were not respected, even though she didn’t fail to communicate them.

Her boyfriend should take more responsibility since it’s his place and his roommates.

What do you think? Let’s check out the comments of other people on this story.

This person gives their honest opinion.

This user shares their personal thoughts.

It’s out of his control, says this one.

Here’s a valid point.

Uh oh, there are a lot of YTAs!

Empathy goes a long way, especially for people with special needs.

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Author

Heide Lazaro

Heide Lazaro is a veteran human-interest writer and digital culture expert with over a decade of experience in editorial strategy. Specializing in lifestyle, social dynamics, and the internet's most compelling stories, Heide has authored and published more than 10 books online. Beyond her daily reporting, she is a dedicated motivational speaker who helps audiences connect through the power of storytelling. When she isn't sifting through the web's wildest real-life drama, Heide is an avid runner, painter, and novel-enthusiast fueled by a truly excellent cup of coffee.