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Parenting can be a tough, thankless job at times, but it can be even harder when you’re a step-parent.

Imagine being the sole provider in your family, but your stepdaughter hates you and doesn’t respect you at all. Would you be willing to buy her non-essentials just to be nice even though she’s mean to you, or would you refuse?

In this story, one stepdad is in this situation, and he said “no” to his stepdaughter. Actually, he told her to go ask her biological dad.

Now, his wife thinks he was too harsh. Was he?

Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AITA for telling my step-daughter to “go ask her real dad” when she asked me to pay for her plane tickets?

I married my wife Elise 12 years ago. She has a 16 year old daughter (Ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7 year old son as well.

From pretty much the beginning of our relationship, Ana and I have never gotten along.

I don’t know how to emphasize that it is NOT because of a lack of trying. She just does not like me.

He does a lot of Ana.

When she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid I’d tear their family apart”.

Nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so I suppose that’s progress

Elise is a stay at home mother, so she relies on me for income. As a result, I pay for everything for Ana. Food. Clothes. Volleyball fees. Field trips.

I take an interest in her hobbies. I go to her games. I’m not saying I’m perfect but I try my damn hardest to be the step-father I can.

Ana sounds pretty rebellious.

But it’s so… hard.

Always giving me curt 1-word responses. Always having to have an attitude.

She does things to get a rise out of me. Staying out late reeking of booze. Always trying to sneak boys in. Typical rebellious stuff.

But I always let her know I love her and I’m there for her in hopes of her “awful teenager” phase pasts.

It’s too bad her biological father isn’t there for her in the same way.

The opposite is true for her biological father.

She adores him.

Can’t tell you why. He never goes to her games, always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her.

He forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep.

Here’s an example of her attitude towards him recently.

Well anyways, Friday, I came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment).

I ask for the phone, she says “no, I’m tired of you checking my stuff, leave me alone”.

I tell her I’m not asking again and she goes “just back off already. You’re not my real dad. You never have been. Stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door.

Like I said guys. I’m tired. Tired of the blantant disrespect. Of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family.

But then she wanted a favor.

We haven’t really talked since until this morning during breakfast. She asked if I could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state.

Like I said, her mom doesn’t work and her dad is a POS so I normally would be the one to cough up the money.

Not this time.

I responded “go ask your real dad”.

His wife thinks he went too far.

I could tell she was hurt. Tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table.

My wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful.

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I said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s her treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and I will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house. I told her we don’t have to be friends, but if she can’t at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure, she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials. AITA?

A 16-year-old girl does not need a plane ticket to visit her boyfriend. I’d say no regardless. She shouldn’t be going on trips by herself to visit a boyfriend at that age. That’s just asking for trouble.

Let’s see how Reddit responded.

This person makes a good point.

Another person offers some advice.

Here’s the perspective of someone who has divorced parents.

This person thinks they all need therapy.

He’s trying to be a good stepdad, but she is pushing him away as hard as she can. With that in mind, she shouldn’t expect him to say “yes” to any expensive favors.

Granted, she’s a teenager, so she’s already bound to be moody and rebellious. Plus, she’ll probably always love her biological dad more than him just because he’s her dad.

He can’t force her to be nice to him. She also shouldn’t expect him to always say “yes.”

She’s 16. Maybe it’s time she gets a job.

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Author

Jayne Elliott

Jayne Elliott | Contributing Writer, Life & Drama

Jayne Elliott is a contributing writer and editor for TwistedSifter specializing in human interest stories, internet culture, and family dynamics. With over 12 years of editorial experience in digital publishing, Jayne excels at analyzing complex online communities and transforming viral social debates into thoughtful, highly engaging narratives.

Rather than simply aggregating internet drama, Jayne brings a sharp, empathetic editorial eye to everyday dilemmas. She has a unique talent for unpacking the nuances of pop culture and online conflicts, providing readers with relatable, well-researched commentary.

Based in California, Jayne spends her free time outside the newsroom exploring theme parks with her family or beach-combing along the coast.

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