Birthdays are supposed to make people feel special, but when the same disappointments happen year after year, the day can start to feel like something to avoid.

One woman grew up watching her sister’s birthday bring the family together, while hers usually passed with barely anyone around.

Things didn’t improve much, and after her family let her down on her 30th birthday, she decided to lower her expectations to a zero and just do her own thing.

Now, she has plans with friends for her birthday, and her family isn’t happy about it.

Is she holding onto resentment, or are they refusing to accept a boundary they helped create?

Read the full story below.

AITAH For not making plans to see my family on my birthday and then reminding them why?

My sister 36f was born on New Years Day.

This is important because it meant every year on her birthday always landed on Australian school holidays as a kid, and although we were never able to have big celebrations due to finances, we always had cousin and family around for her birthday.

I however was born mid year on a random day in May.

My birthday every year was just my mother and sister and a cheap packet made cake.

I cannot point to a single birthday where a cousin or aunt was present to watch me blow out my candles.

Things didn’t improve.

Fast forward, and most of my adult birthdays have also been a bust, my mother, sister, and stepdad went out of the country without me on my 18th.

I was alone for several of my 20s due to everyone living in different states.

I remember my 27th or 28th I had planned a camping trip that my mother refused to do outright and my sister cancelled 3 days beforehand.

And on my 30th, my last milestone BDay, all I asked was to spend the day just the 3 of us like it was when I was a child.

She was disappointed again.

Neither of them rocked up until the sun had already set and the day was over.

I spent most of my 30th alone and crying only to have my mother rock up with a chocolate cake, and anyone who knows me knows I can’t stand chocolate anything.

Cake, milk, Icecream or syrup, always have.

From that day on, I was very clear I DON’T GIVE A DAMN about my birthdays anymore.

My sister tried to arrange a “make up 30th” for my 31st, and I flat out refused said you can’t undo time and I’m just done.

Her family doesn’t seem to understand where she’s coming from, either.

Well, I turn 34 soon, and by chance, friends of mine were already hosting a bonfire the night before, so when I mentioned my Bday was the next day, it became a very slapped together Bday celebration.

When my sister asked about my plans, I told her, and she immediately became upset.

I told her nobody else had made plans and she said “normally the birthday person makes plans and invites people” to which I pointed out that I had swore of celebrating and making plans 4 years ago.

They are basically in denial.

She tried to act like I never told her so I asked what she thought I meant when I said I was over my birthday after what happened on my 30th actually meant?

My mother then visited me, and I asked if my sister was still fuming, and she basically said yes to which I once again relayed that I had made my boundary extremely clear and it wasn’t my problem.

My mother then also started the whole “when did you do that” and proceeded to downplay her own failings on my birthday, to which I pointed out she was the one who supplied the chocolate cake to the girl who has hated chocolate flavoured items her entire life.

Now she’s wondering if she went too far, though.

I don’t think I’m an AH for not making plans and accepting an invitation from my friends, but maybe I am one for constantly reminding them how much they ruined my birthdays for me.

But then I think if they just stopped “trying to make it up to me” and just accepted my decision, I wouldn’t need to.

AITA?

Low effort is so lame. It’s actually awesome to apologize and do better.

Letting someone cry alone on their 30th birthday is reason to apologize profusely and truly make it up to them.

What did Reddit think?

A reader shares their thoughts.

Something to consider.

Exactly.

Another reader chimes in.

That’s a great point.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this postabout a man who thought he was staying with his brother for a month in his 1-bedroom Tokyo apartment, then got hit with a list of local hotels.

Yup.

They don’t even remember she doesn’t like chocolate. I’m glad she finally stood up for herself.

There is a disconnect between them. Acting like they will make up to her, only to keep doing the same thing, sounds very frustrating to her.

They also expect her to kind of “just get over” it and continue giving them chances.

She isn’t even demanding an elaborate celebration, just to have fun with her on her birthday 🥺.

At the same time, repeatedly bringing up old disappointments can keep everyone stuck in the same argument. Still, it’s hard to move on when the people involved keep arguing about what happened instead of acknowledging why it hurt.

She just wants to feel good on her birthday for once.