She Sent Her Sick Employee Unwanted Medical Advice, And It Cost Her A Five-Year Friendship
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It’s hard to watch someone you care about struggle, especially when you think you’ve found something that could help.
One woman found herself in that position when her employee and longtime friend became too ill to keep working.
The problem was that her friend had already asked her to stop offering medical advice and sending links.
But after finding a clinic department that dealt with her friend’s conditions, she thought she’d want to know.
Unfortunately, though, her friend got upset that she’d ignored her wishes. And while she apologized, she also tried explaining why she felt justified.
Read on to see what you would’ve done in her shoes.
AITA? When is violating stated boundaries okay?
My employee (and friend) and I have worked side by side together for nearly five years.
She is chronically ill with numerous (mostly) self-diagnosed neurological and autoimmune conditions.
She talks frequently about her ailments, and it’s obvious to me when she’s not well, even if she doesn’t talk about them.
As a former medical advocate, she really cares about her friend’s health.
In the time we’ve worked together, we’ve had two conflicts.
One was about my tendency to offer suggestions about her medical care (I’m a former medical advocate).
She asked me two years ago to stop offering advice and sending links. I thought I had, but due to her often initiating conversations about her ailments, I still sometimes made comments expressing concern and support.
Then, her friend said something really concerning.
Recently, she told me her body was in crisis and she wished she could ***. She said she needed to take several months off after our next gig. I supported this decision.
In the meantime, I felt frightened she’d crack mentally or collapse physically. It was stressful to work with her, knowing what might happen. After the gig, she said she was retiring altogether. I was honestly relieved but still concerned because I care about her.
I asked her what her plans were, and she didn’t know. I suggested maybe she look into Mayo Clinic due to the complexity of her ailments. She said the last time she checked, they didn’t treat people with her condition.
After conducting some research, she sent the info to her friend.
I went home and did a search and found out they now have a whole department dedicated to her ailments. I thought she’d want to know, so I sent her a link prefaced by an apology because I knew she didn’t like receiving input.
She sent me a long, aggressive email in which she unloaded on me about violating her boundaries. I sincerely apologized and, a few days later, tried to explain that I felt it was a “break glass (boundary) in an emergency” situation, given her fragile mental and physical state.
She blocked my number and blocked me on social media. Friendship over.
AITA?
Oh no! It sounds like she crossed a major boundary when she sent the info.
Let’s see how the readers over at Reddit feel about what she did.
According to this reader, she’s sending out red flags.
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There are no winners for this reader.
Here’s someone who’s on her side.
This could be true.
That’s a lot to digest.
But no matter how you look at it, her friend is in the wrong here.
All she’s been trying to do is help, but those efforts seem to be very unappreciated for some reason.
From now on, if her friend doesn’t want an opinion, she should keep her health concerns to herself.
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