They Shared an Apartment, Desk, and Social Circle—Until Mutual Enmeshment Sparked Total Burnout
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We all know what it’s like to hit it off with someone. And whether it’s a romantic interest or a platonic partnership, that buzz you get when you hit the same wavelength with another person is like no other. It feels like this stranger who just crash landed into your life already knows you – and whether romantic or platonic, you can get the uncanny feeling that you just met your soulmate.
The two women in this story are incredibly close, to the point that they are living together even after one of them married. Their friendship doesn’t just stay home either, since they also work together. But these best friends are so inseparable that it’s starting to cause problems between them – especially since the more independent of the two is starting to resent the fact that she can’t seem to have a moment alone.
Read on to find out why.
AITA for not understanding my roommate?
My (21, female) roommate and best friend (19, female) gets incredibly upset with me if I don’t tell her what I’m doing when we’re home.
That’s even though we work together, live together and spend all of our free time together.
Last night, I went upstairs to use the bathroom and said I was doing so.
It took me about 45 minutes, when I was finished it was around 9:30pm.
Let’s see what she did next.
My husband came upstairs and I asked if it was alright if I played video games for thirty minutes before I went to bed (10pm).
He insisted that I immediately do so because I’ve been doing so much all week, and he had me sit down in my chair and insisted I relax.
He went back downstairs with my best friend (they had been watching a tv show all night that I’ve never seen before nor do I really care for, but I spent over two hours watching it even though they were over three seasons in).
He did inform her that I was retiring for the night and was playing games for a bit before going to bed. They stayed up until midnight while I went to bed early since we all had big plans the next night.
But somehow, her best friend took issue with this.
This morning my best friend informed me she was really upset that I never told her I was staying upstairs and that “she didn’t see me for the rest of the night” (had she asked in any way of course I would’ve told her, but again I only played for about thirty minutes).
This is one out of many times that this has happened, and sometimes I’ve had to explain the difference of as little as fifteen minutes because I didn’t tell her I was taking a shower, etc.
It makes me really irritated as someone who’s really independent, and there have been several times where she disappears upstairs (I’m assuming to take a nap) without saying anything and it has never once bothered me.
I dunno if I’m being the insensitive one here. I feel like I have to explain every minute I am away from our group.
AITA?
Let’s call this what it is: her roommate and best friend is immensely controlling.
The fact that she apparently needs to know what the woman is doing and where she is 24/7 is immensely suffocating, and not at all sustainable.
If this carries on, eventually this controlled woman is going to start resenting her friend, leading to the potential end of their friendship.
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Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.
This person thought that the situation here was very odd.
While others thought that this friendship desperately needed some boundaries.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who moved her mom in after her dad passed, but doesn’t want to fill the role of a spouse.
Meanwhile, this Redditor wondered if there was something untoward going on.
Honestly, her best friend’s incessant need to know exactly what she was doing is beyond inappropriate – it’s too much and it needs to cease immediately. Yes, there’s a good chance she has some kind of anxiety disorder or mental health condition that is leading to her being so needy and controlling, but genuinely, she’s going to lose the friendship that she’s apparently so attached to if she doesn’t cool it. Because no one likes to feel like they can’t be independent, and this woman is losing any ounce of independence she has.
These roommates need to establish some clear boundaries, and fast. Because this isn’t just affecting them, it’s also affecting this woman’s relationship with her husband, and probably everything else around this shared house too. Genuinely, no adult should be made to explain when they’re going to use the bathroom, and the expectation that she would do so is entirely controlling on the roommate’s part. This isn’t acceptable at all, and it shouldn’t be allowed to continue.
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