Weddings can definitely be expensive, but is the expense worth it?

In today’s story, the bride, groom and the bride’s parents are perfectly fine with a small courthouse wedding, but the groom’s mom thinks it’s important to have a big, beautiful wedding.

The bride isn’t sure what she should do.

Let’s see how the story unfolds…

AITAH For Telling My Future MIL That If She Wants Me To Have a Large Wedding, She Can Pay For It?

29F here.

I recently got engaged to my fiancé Ryan (30M).

He was actually my high school sweetheart, but we broke up during college, and have been back together for the past seven years.

Some context is that I am the youngest of three girls.

My parents are both doctors, and they have done quite well for themselves.

I think my future in-laws think they’re much wealthier than they actually are.

Most of their money has gone into mine and my sisters educations, and so they still have to think about money and how much they’re spending.

She shares her financial situation.

My parents were kind enough to pay for my private college, but I had to cover law school on my own.

I still have close to 100K to pay off.

I make good money now and will be able to pay it off on my own, but also, Ryan and I want to buy a house and have children, and so the debt is stressful.

Also, a sizable percent of my salary for the past several year has gone towards paying off my debt.

Her dad is giving her $75,000 for the wedding.

My dad pulled me aside when I got engaged and told me that he set aside 75k for each of his daughters for weddings.

My oldest sister had a huge, fancy wedding and spent most of the money on a ceremony.

My other sister had a modest wedding, and put the rest of the money towards a down payment on a house.

My dad basically said the money is mine to do what I want with, whether I want to spend it all on a wedding or put all of it towards my student-loans or something else.

She has decided to use the money to pay her student loans.

I spoke to Ryan about this, and we agreed that I should put all of the money towards my student loans.

Neither of us care about having a huge wedding, and we’d much rather get my debt paid off quickly so we could start saving for a house.

My parents think this is a smart decision, and are happy I’m using the money sensibly.

They also know I’ve never been someone who cared about having a fancy wedding, and always thought I’d use the money for something else.

Ryan’s mom was hoping they’d have a big wedding.

When I told Ryan’s parents that we’re going to do a courthouse wedding, my future MIL Jan was upset.

Jan said that my oldest sister had a beautiful wedding, and asked why I didn’t want the same.

I explained the situation to her, and that I’d rather put the money my parents set aside towards my loans and have a small celebration with our close family and friends.

When I say small, I mean our parents, siblings, one or two close friends, and that’s it.

To be honest, if it was up to me, I’d just want it to be me and Ryan, but I think both of our families would be hurt by this, and so I want include at least parents and siblings.

Jan tried to convince her and Ryan to have a big wedding.

Jan told Ryan and I that we were being selfish, since weddings are about uniting families and celebrating with loved ones, and we’re putting our needs before that.

She also said that we’re both attorneys and aren’t exactly struggling to pay the bills.

She asked if we’d consider putting half of the money towards a ceremony and half of it towards my loans, and we said no.

She then started saying that she had a ton of relatives who wanted to be included in the ceremony and will be disappointed that they don’t get to see Ryan get married.

She suggested that Jan pay for the wedding.

Ryan told his mom she was being a hypocrite since she literally eloped and didn’t include her family in the ceremony.

Jan started crying, and saying it was a huge mistake to not have her family there, and she didn’t want Ryan to make the same mistake.

I stepped in and told Jan that if she wanted to pay for a wedding where all of her relatives would be included, then Ryan and I would be happy to take her up on it, but the money would have to come from her since she’s the one who cares about us having a large wedding.

Jan crossed the line insulting her parents.

This upset Jan, and she told me that the woman’s family is supposed to pay for the wedding.

She said that it’s selfish that two doctors wouldn’t help with my student loans and also pay for a ceremony.

This set me off, since my parents have been extremely generous with me, including paying 100% of my undergrad tuition.

I told Jan that my parents have worked hard for my sister’s and I to have everything we needed growing up and to pay for our educations.

I don’t feel right asking them to contribute to a fancy ceremony on top of everything they’ve already given me.

Her sister thinks she should have a bigger wedding.

Ryan was furious, and told his mom that he doesn’t want her at our wedding if she’s going to act like this.

We ended up leaving, and Ryan hadn’t spoken to his mom since.

I talked to my oldest sister, and she thinks I’m being selfish too.

She says I should put some of the money towards a wedding and some of it towards my loans, so our families could enjoy the special occasion.

But I’ve never wanted a big wedding and I’m stressed about my loans and just want them paid off.

AITAH?

The wedding should be up to the bride and the groom.

If a big wedding isn’t important to them, that should be all that matters.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story…

This reader thinks her statement to Jan is reasonable.

Another reader points out a wedding tradition most people don’t mention.

This person thinks he is making a smart decision.

Another person points out why her sister thinks a big wedding is important.

This reader loves her post and her choices.

It sounds like they’re making the right decision.

It’s really no one else’s business.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.