It doesn’t matter how old you are, losing someone you love can be extremely upsetting and even traumatic.

But if you are a kid, this whole thing can be even worse, leading to issues that stretch long into your adulthood.

This emotional damage can be mitigated, of course, if the child is shown love, care and acceptance from the people closest to them, and are allowed to talk about the person and grieve in their own time.

Unfortunately for the girl and her brother in this story, their father has decided for them that it’s time to move on from the death of their mother.

And with one decision, he’s pushed them too far.

Read on to find out what happened to finally blow a hole in this patched-up family.

AITA for saying no to being a bridesmaid in my dad’s wedding?

My dad is getting married in a couple of months.

He’s been with his fiancée for the past 8 years and they have three kids together.

Dad has me (sixteen, female) and my brother (15, male) from his marriage to our mom who died nine years ago.

Mom had a heart attack in her sleep and died, when she was young (32).

Let’s see how this girl’s future stepmom came into her life.

Dad started dating six months later, and met his fiancée around thirteen months after mom died. We had met some of his other dates in between.

She moved in with us three months later because he got her pregnant, and they stayed together and had two more kids since.

They got engaged in January and decided to have a fast wedding.

Read on to see how she feels about their relationship.

To be honest I only ever tolerated my dad’s fiancée. I don’t love her, consider her my stepmom or really care if she’s around or not.

And my relationship with dad is awful. My brother’s is the same.

We feel like dad moved on from mom really fast and expected us to get over our feelings alone. Not to mention he acted like we would be excited to have some woman and baby around.

When we didn’t ever get excited about any of our half siblings, he became withdrawn more and pushed us to his fiancée more to try and force us to have a relationship with her.

He also alienated friends and mom’s side of the family years ago.

And the way their father treats them hasn’t changed with the wedding on the cards.

It was decided without mine or my brother’s consent that we would be a bridesmaid and male bridesmaid (I don’t even know what you’d call it). We both said no.

Dad asked why, and I said if I was on his side maybe but I’m not standing with his fiancée.

She was hurt and she said she thought we loved her and were excited for her to officially be our mom.

I told her that wouldn’t even be true, because she’s not adopting us. She said she would if we were open to it and I said no.

The attitude of her dad and future stepmom led to this girl verbally retaliating.

I told her she’s not my mom and I don’t even consider her family. I asked her why I’d replace my mom with her.

She said because mom’s dead and can’t be our mom anymore.

My dad told me I don’t get a say, and I told him he can’t make me stand there during the wedding and it will look worse if he has to.

He’s saying I should do it for him, and I told him I tolerate all this for him but I won’t go that far. My brother told them he felt the same.

Now they’re saying I’m ruining the wedding and behaving like a little brat who wants her own way the whole time.

AITA?

This is a truly toxic family situation.

The stance of both the dad and the stepmom seems to be: your mom is gone and you’d better get over it and move on, like we have.

Unfortunately their disregard for the two kids’ feelings is what is leading to this animosity now.

They might be teens but they need empathy, not instruction.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person pointed out just how unempathetic the dad was.

While others explained that the stepmom was overstepping and showing a complete lack of understanding too.

Meanwhile, this Redditor empathised with the girl and her brother and encouraged her to continue to grieve in her own way.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and if the kids aren’t ready to move on, that’s their prerogative – the fact their dad has moved on has nothing to do with that.

And to tell someone they have to be a bridesmaid is completely unacceptable, it’s an honor and a choice, not an obligation.

Sure their dad might want them to accept their new stepmom and half siblings, but that’s their choice, not his.

He needs to develop some empathy.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.