A loving and involved family is great, but sometimes people can get hurt feelings or be insensitive, which can cause drama.

What would you do if your extended family didn’t buy you gifts for your wedding or for your children when they were born, but now your husband wants to send his niece a wedding present?

That is the situation the wife in this story is in, and she is upset that he was going to send a cash gift without even talking to her.

AITA for not agreeing to send gift money for my husband’s niece’s wedding?

I(35F) and my husband(33M) are married. He has 3 sisters and 3 brothers. We live in the USA but both from a country in EU. His family always considers us rich because my family is a bit wealthier compared to his (not significantly on paper) and likes sharing gifts.

Some people think everyone in the US is rich.

A small background, since we got married his family almost didn’t get us anything including the wedding gift but expected from us. Their reasoning is that we have ability to buy those since we live in the USA. Well, I disagree because we are barely getting by financially since we are paying student debts, moved to another state, my husband was unemployed for a few months, and his business got some problems which created extra financial stress. On top of that, we had a newborn.

They did not send anything as a gift for our newborn. Not a single item, and what’s worse is they didn’t even bother to check. Besides these, my personal feeling is that if someone cannot bother doing something nice for me, then I don’t want to go above and beyond for them. But at the end, we ended up sending gifts or doing favors for his family with nothing in return.

You don’t give gifts just because you want gifts in return.

Anyway, My husband’s niece (the older sister’s daughter) is getting married in 2 weeks, and today I saw my husband was texting with his youngest sister about asking some bank info. When I asked him why, he said it was to send money for his niece’s wedding.

I was taken aback and snapped that they didn’t even send something for our little baby and we agreed on how bad this was. He said he doesn’t care what they do, it was his responsibility for his niece. I didn’t make it a big deal at the moment since my mom was in the room and I didn’t want her to hear our conversation.

He should talk to her before making financial decisions.

Now, I feel betrayed. The reasons are first, he never asked for my permission since we always take financial decisions together even though it’s not a big amount. Second, we both agreed how hurt we were when they didn’t send us an even small gift for our baby. Considering that not only my close relatives but also distance relatives send us many gifts. Not all of them were expensive stuff. I am not asking something pricey at all, something heartfelt like a small toy or a nice clothes would do it for me.

We didn’t have a conversation yet but would I be AITA if I tell him I don’t agree with him for sending money for his niece’s wedding gift after we did not get anything for our wedding and baby?

AITA?

Honestly, she seems to see relationships with family as very transactional, which isn’t ideal. I can see why she is upset, but it isn’t a very mature attitude.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about this.

Not receiving a gift doesn’t mean you aren’t respected.

Yes, she and the husband deserve a say.

I agree with this comment.

This commenter says they shouldn’t be sending the money.

Good point, how much is he sending?

Gift giving shouldn’t be transactional.

That being said, he should talk to his wife about spending money before doing it, especially if it is a large amount.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.