She Stepped In To Help Her Mom After Her Partner Died, But What She Found On His Phone Left Her Reeling
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When someone you care about passes on, you understandably go through a whole wild range of emotions. The grieving process is far from predictable, and no matter how many losses you’ve faced, you might well find that grieving each one is a very different process. After all, if you truly care about someone, knowing that you’ll never see them again is devastating, and not something that is easy to deal with at all. Add to that all the funeral and administrative duties that come with a person’s passing, and it’s a whole lot to have to cope with, all at once.
So when her mother’s partner unexpectedly passed, the adult daughter in this story stepped in to help with the arrangements. But when she tried to track down the man’s stepson, she found out something that she never wanted to know about her mom’s deceased partner – and the weight of the secret is tearing her apart.
Read on to find out what happened.
WIBTA if I didn’t tell my mom information about her significant other after his passing?
My mother’s significant other of six years recently passed away – it was not expected it was sudden.
As my mother was having a very hard time handling this loss, I stepped in to help his family who are out of state and make the arrangements for getting things settled.
Of the things that needed to be settled was what to do with the ashes from his late wife.
Read on to find out how this woman dealt with the situation.
When the hospital released his belongings, his phone was in it.
Knowing that this would be the only way to contact his stepson from this previous relationship, so I tried to find his contact info in the phone. My mom gave me his phone for me to find the contact info.
Now here is where I might be in the wrong.
I scrolled through text messages and noticed one on the day of his death from when he was in the hospital, and it was a picture sent to him. It was a women in a bikini, so I scrolled through their conversation.
Let’s see what she found out.
This man was having a relationship behind my mom’s back. Not just text and photos, per the messages they had been hooking up for at least six months.
During this six months’ time he had asked for my permission to purpose to my mother, since he wanted her children’s approval first.
But not only was this going on behind my mom’s back, he had actually made comments about my mom being a prude.
Now, this woman has found herself in a really difficult situation.
Would I be in the wrong if I told my mom during her grieving process, even if she’s made comments that she feels like he wasn’t ever telling her everything?
Or would I be an ******* if I chose to not tell her and just let her live her life with just the knowledge he loved her, even though it doesn’t seem that he actually cared as much as he made it out to be?
My moral compass is eating me from the inside. My husband says it’s up to me as I know her best, but he also knows this will eat me from the inside knowing these details and not say something. But we also know she needs to grieve.
I’m just so mad because he was telling another woman (who was also married to someone herself) things about my mom and calling her a prude. So am I wrong for not telling my mom?
AITA?
Wow, what a truly horrible situation for anyone to find themselves in.
It’s understandable that this woman doesn’t know what to do – after all, no one ever expects something like this to happen to them, so knowing the correct way forward must feel like a minefield.
Ultimately she needs to do what she thinks is best – for her mom and for herself.
Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.
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This person thought she should keep the information to herself.
While others thought keeping the secret would be hurtful.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who is upset his parents bought his recovering sister a brand-new car but wouldn’t help him out with a used one.
Meanwhile, this Redditor thought she should give her mother the choice.
The problem here is that she doesn’t want to hurt her mom, who is already grieving the man who had been her partner for six years. Losing someone you love is never easy, but when they go unexpectedly it can come as a real shock. So kudos to this daughter for stepping up to help her mom through this – and it’s such a shame that she’s had to deal with this complicated man’s bad decisions and infidelity as a result. This is a secret that is going to eat away at her, so it’s easy to understand her turmoil here.
And now, there are two sides to this. Firstly, that if her mom knew about the infidelity it might make moving on easier. But at the same time, she wouldn’t only be grieving the man she loved, she’d also be grieving the relationship that turned out to be a lie. For some people that might make the loss more bearable, for others it might be less so. On the other hand, she could keep the man’s secret. While this might allow her mom to keep the illusion of being loved, it could severely affect this woman – and if the mom does find out, she might feel doubly betrayed by her partner and her daughter.
In the end, there is no right answer here, and it’s a truly horrible situation. And the only person who should be taking the blame isn’t here to face it.
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