Everyone has mean or unpleasant thoughts, and discussing them with a therapist is a great way to work through them.

What would you do if you had a remote appointment with your therapist and you were talking to her about some negative feelings you had about your roommate, but she ended up overhearing them?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, and now her roommate is extremely hurt and upset, and she doesn’t know what to do.

Personally, I think this is an unfortunate situation. She should apologize and try to move on. Read through all the details below and see what you think.

AITA for what I said about my roommate in therapy after she overheard me?

My roommate (23F) and I (23F) found out 3 weeks ago that she is unexpectedly pregnant.

She sounds kind of selfish.

Obviously this is a much bigger life change for her, but I’ve also had an emotional reaction to it. Her pregnancy changes our living situation, and I’ve been stressed about where I’ll live, whether I’ll need another roommate, etc.

I struggle with unexpected change and have been working through those feelings in therapy rather than putting them on her.

Therapy is supposed to be private.

Friday morning I had virtual therapy. We live in a 1400ish** sq ft apartment. My roommate normally works at the desk in her bedroom, but that morning she was working in the living room.

Since I knew I’d probably discuss the pregnancy, I specifically told her, “Hey, I have therapy this morning.” She said okay and stayed in the living room.

She has taken the proper precautions.

I went into my bedroom, shut the door, turned on my sound machine and tried to speak quietly. I even told my therapist I was anxious my roommate might hear me.

I was very blunt. I admitted that part of me thinks my roommate and her boyfriend were “idiots” and irresponsible, and that I resent having to change my living situation because of their decisions.

Well, this is awkward.

I’m not proud of those thoughts. That’s exactly why I was discussing them in therapy. I wanted to understand my feelings and deal with them privately so I could be supportive of her rather than put my resentment on her.

These are things I would NEVER say to her. A few hours later, I was making lunch when she came into the kitchen visibly angry and said, “I heard what you said to your therapist.”

Both of their feelings are understandable.

She started crying and yelling, asking how I could be so cruel and how a friend could say those things about her. We got into a huge argument.

I told her I understood why hearing those things hurt her, but I also felt incredibly violated. Therapy is where I’m supposed to be able to say the irrational, selfish, angry or embarrassing thoughts I’m having so I can work through them.

While it isn’t her friend’s job to protect her privacy, the feeling of being violated makes sense.

To me, it felt similar to someone reading my diary and confronting me over what they found. I don’t know whether she intentionally listened or simply overheard more than I realized, and I don’t want to accuse her of something I can’t prove.

I also recognize that I knew she was home and could have found somewhere more private.

She is exactly right.

I feel awful that she heard something so hurtful, especially while she’s going through a major life change.

At the same time, I don’t think having an ugly thought and privately working through it with my therapist is the same as saying it to her.

AITA?

She is right on these things, but also needs to remember that her roommate is not wrong for feeling the way she does after hearing this. All the hurt feelings in this situation are valid and unfortunate. Both women should apologize and try to move on.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about this difficult situation.

It seems that this commenter is exactly right.

This is quite the accusation.

Here is someone who says it is time to move out.

This commenter seems to think that the roommate eavesdropped.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who got fed up with all of the cars parking illegally on his vacation land, so he had them all towed.

Therapy is the right place to vent these feelings.

Nobody necessarily did anything wrong, but feelings were understandably hurt. Apologies are in order.