There are certain things that all humans do; it’s our nature, whether or not we want to admit to it.

These 18 people say that even if no one wants to talk about it, we definitely do these things behind closed doors.

18. This made me lol.

“It is not the picking of the nose that separates us, but what comes after”

My dad, 2015

17. We’re all a little bit creative.

Making up fake scenarios in our head.

I was digitizing some old cassette tapes of my mom singing a while back, and thought “I’ll probably play this at her funeral one day.”

Sobbed hard for like an hour.

16. Thank goodness for online thesaurus.

Look up words that people use because we don’t know the meaning even though we pretend to when they are talking.

15. A true gem.

Fart in public.

I was at Home Depot a few months back and I was walking down an aisle and another dude was walking down that same aisle towards me. When he realized I would be walking where he just was his exact words were, “I bout just s*%t my pants right over there, maybe give it a minute before you head that way”…

I’ve never been so appreciative towards a complete stranger. That’s real looking out for your fellow man right there! We’ve all been out and unknowingly walked through someone else’s fart… or had someone else walk through ours…

14. Like a personal pep talk.

Making up conversations in my head before something important.

Like I will say this and then the response from other person might be this.. sometimes it can go for 10-15 min before I snap back to reality.

13. No one wants to talk to strangers.

When you go into an aisle in the grocery store and you see someone in front of the object you’re looking for so you pretend you’re getting something else all while hovering near them waiting for them to leave that area so you can get said object.

12. They’re so awful.

Intrusive thoughts that make us question whether we’re secretly psychopaths.

The dark ones are a healthy sign though. I ruminate on a certain one I had because it scared me and my therapist said “it’s because it’s so out of character, that even the thought hurts you more than you could ever hurt them”.

11. We can’t help it.

Make snap judgements about people based on their appearance.

This could be anything from race, gender, age, clothing, hairstyle, facial appearance, etc.

We make these judgements before we have time to think about it. It’s almost instant. None of us like to talk about this because some of these judgements are controversial.

10. It’s sort of satisfying.

Winning fake arguments in your head.

9. Bless our hearts.

I’m sure there’s actually a term for this but the thing you do when you’re upset or hurt and then attribute it to something that feels more respectable to be upset about.

Like instead of crying because you’re mad that someone forgot your birthday spirals into the long history of wrongs that person has made. Because it’s embarrassing to say that you just wanted to be a special boy for a day.

8. You totally know what they mean.

Picking your nose and finding that root boog that feels like it’s attached to the base of the brain.

7. Is it really everyone?

Procrastination!

6. Not always a bad thing.

Tell small lies. Particularly to make us and others feel better.

I generally try really hard not to lie, but there will be times when I subtly change a number just to make a story sound better. It’s a weird compulsion that i can’t seem to change although it only happens probably three-times a year.

5. It’s all a lie.

Convincing yourself in your head that everyone around you is doing things perfectly and at full efficiency and expect the same of the people around them.

No? Just me?

4. It’s for our mental health.

Read messages from the notification bar then pretending you didn’t see the message only much later.

I occasionally turn off my Wi-Fi and data, read the message, close the app and then turn data/Wi-Fi back on. It seems to work.

3. We’re not really that interested in the card.

I don’t know if we all do it, but open a card and pretend not to see cash fall out while reading the card. Haha.

2. Everyone knows, though.

Recently I had to insist that my wife knocks loudly and waits before opening my son’s bedroom door. I really had to explain why FFS!

I know he’s constantly jacking off, but he would be mortified if anyone knew, especially his parents.

1. I beg your pardon.

assume you are “above average” intelligence

I mean…who am I to argue?

Not admitting to anything here, I’m just saying.