Growing up as the eldest child can be a curious experience.

You’re the guinea pig when it comes to your parents’ parenting – they’re learning on you.

And in many families, you’re expected to be a role model to your younger siblings too.

This is all fine in healthy families, but in ones that are less emotionally safe? You might end up parentified, with too much responsibility at a young age.

And this can lead to true imbalances, even in adulthood, as the eldest child in this story recently figured out.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA for telling my parents if they subsidize my sister’s living expenses do not expect me to subsidize theirs?

My sister is 26 years old and currently on vacation with friends in Japan. She has a decent job, but has yet to move out of our parents house because why pay rent, food, utilities etcetera when you can get it for free?

She loves to brag about how much she is saving by not paying rent and stuff, and how she is ahead of the game for retirement and stuff. I told her of course she is, all her major expenses are covered by someone else.

So I recently told my parents they need to give her the boot and let her be an adult, or I will stop helping them out with their expenses.

Our parents did good by us and I don’t mind helping them out, but I don’t feel right giving my sister a pseudo free ride.

Let’s see how their parents responded to that.

Generally my parents feel I am being petty because it is a lot harder for my sister’s age group.

I reminded them it was hard for me also, but I had to make it work. For whatever reason they feel she has it so much harder and she needs this extra support.

I agree maybe an aspect of jealousy is present, because living at home was never an option for me.

For my sister it was just assumed, but the other reality is my parents could not afford to let her live rent free if I was not helping them out. I pay their mortgage, insurance, and property taxes.

But they had a suggestion – and and the older sibling really didn’t like it.

They suggested I use that money to help my sister instead so she can move out.

I was shocked.

She can afford to fly and stay in Japan for one month, she goes on multiple vacations a year – but she needs help paying for rent?

I get they are worried about her mental health as she shuts down very easy, and in high school she had a bad stint with self medicating – so sure, they are afraid of her going back down that rabbit hole.

In reality though, this is a long-standing discrepancy between the two siblings.

Maybe I am just being the jealous older sibling because I did not get the same type of love and care she did.

I was old reliable. It was expected of me to do well, but she got a B and it was a major event. I graduated with honors and got a card with $50. She graduated and it was a major milestone and family event.

I get parents grow as they get older, and there’s a ten year age gap between my sister and I.

Am I being petty by not taking into account my sister’s and her generations issues and hardships?

I have the means to help, like my dad said – should I just help because it is the right thing to do?

AITA?

It must be difficult for this heavily parentified older sibling to witness their younger sister being given the support and freedoms that they were never allowed.

If that was all this was, they would be out of order for telling their parents how to treat the sister.

But given they are subsidising their parents’ expenses while their sister contributes nothing, it’s totally warranted.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit said about this.

This person was shocked by the reality the older sibling was living.

While others thought the younger sister was taking advantage of everyone.

Meanwhile, this Redditor made the situation quite clear.

The older sibling is so used to being used by their family that it’s only now, at the age of 36, that the true extent of the financial exploitation is coming to light.

They’ve been conditioned into believing that they need to be the sensible one, the provider – while their younger sister gets to take advantage of that – and it’s truly unfair.

Time to cut ties, and leave them to pay their own way.

If you liked that post, check this one about a guy who got revenge on his condo by making his own Christmas light rules.