Imagine growing up with divorced parents, and your dad remarries. If your stepmother said hurtful things to you, would you keep it to yourself, or would you let your dad know how cruel she was?

In this story, one woman was in this exact situation, and it took her until she was 28 years old to tell her dad how she really feels about his wife.

Let’s read all about it.

AITAH for telling my dad that I don’t like his wife after 20+ years knowing her?

For the first time in my life, I (28F) got into a big argument with my dad.

Context: my parents got divorced when I was 5, he almost immediately moved in with her. I lived with my mom, went there every other weekend and half of school holidays.

The best moment of the weekend was the drive back and forth since, most of the time, it was only the two of us. The rest of the time was spent with my stepmothers and 2 of her children.

She wanted her dad to be there for her.

To today: my wife and I are buying a house and I asked him if he could check it out on Wednesday.

His answer: just trust the estate agent, he doesn’t have time because he may watch my stepsister’s kids (he’s watching those kids every freaking week on the year, he’s been doing that for years and always complains about how much energy it takes).

I felt let down because he rarely has the occasion to show me that he cares (we have a cordial yet not deep relationship), that was one of the biggest steps of my life and he didn’t even try to be a part of it.

It was her dad’s turn to feel hurt.

I thought that maybe he was hurt by the fact that we didn’t invite him to our current house so I told him it wasn’t personal, that I had nothing against him but that I didn’t feel like having my stepmother at my place because she’s always been mean to me but he was welcomed to come by himself.

He refused, got offended that he discovered that I didnt like his wife (like open your eyes, she hates on me all the time??).

He said I needed to let go of the past. Offered to get dinner some day soon to talk it out.

I insisted to talk it out on the phone because I didnt feel like seeing him and that it was no conversation to have in a restaurant.

She has a lot of examples of why she doesn’t like her stepmother.

Here are some examples of why I can’t stand her anymore (are they exaggerated? Is he right and I should let go of them?) :

* When I was doing ballet (5-6 years old), she’d say that I was too fat to dance

* She forced me to get my armpits and legs waxed at 10 because she was afraid that me shaving would look bad on her wedding pics (it hurt like hell by the way and I still remember how I felt like garbage)

* Didn’t like me staying at home doing homework, reading or playing video games so I had to go out and hang out with my stepsisters friends

It gets even worse.

* She made horrible comments about marriage when she had the chance after I came out

* She encouraged me to get with men « in case it straightened me out (14 at the time) (I never told my dad)

* Called me too fat when I was 16 for a whole summer

* Called me too skinny at 18 (I became super self conscious of my body and lost a lot of weight)

The list continues.

She undermined all my successes, especially school related ones

She talked behind my back a lot to other family members

She would always disagree with me about EVERYTHING

She would spend whole dinners talking about her me being a vegetarian is wrong and stupid (never said a single wrong word about her son’s vegetarian girlfriend though)

His dad refuses to believe her.

She gives me the cold shoulder very often or just acts super cold when I’m around

23 years knowing her and 1.5 years old therapy later, I finally unloaded what I had to say.

My dad thinks he did his best as a dad, that she has nothing against me and that I’m still in the past.

Her dad doesn’t like that she’s standing up for herself.

He’s now blaming my wife for my changing behaviour (I used to be afraid to speak up for myself). I’m not « his girl anymore » because I don’t smile as much as I used to (I’m done putting up a nice face when I’m being walked all over, thanks).

Well dad, it’s called therapy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Was I wrong? Am I really living in the past? Should I have accepted his invite to talk about it face to face?

Her dad probably didn’t know about a lot of the things that her stepmother did and said, so he probably has trouble believing that it’s true. That doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.

This person is on her side.

I’m sure the stepmom thinks she has no reason to apologize.

Another person shares their perspective.

Another person breaks down who’s right and who’s wrong.

What a sad childhood.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.