Being the one everyone relies on can start to feel overwhelming after a while.

So, what would you do if your family expected you to drop everything to help out, but you only want to focus on work and school? Would you keep helping them to avoid problems? Or would you set boundaries, even if you get called selfish?

In the following story, an oldest child finds herself in this situation and just wants it to stop. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for not wanting to constantly be relied upon by my family.

I am the eldest daughter in an ethnic household. I’m a full-time university student, and I have four younger siblings still in school.

Ever since I got my license in Feb 2025, it has been my responsibility to pick up my siblings from school and drop them off at home, which is about a 30-minute drive each way. I’ve made it clear that I don’t like having such a big responsibility, but it was still expected of me.

I graduated from high school last year, and since starting uni, I haven’t been doing it as much. Usually it’s my mum or my grandmother now. My mum works full-time, and my dad can’t drive due to an accident.

Her mother didn’t like her opinion.

When I’m free, I do pick up the kids if I’m asked. But there are days when I’m at uni or working and genuinely cannot do it. Despite that, I’m constantly made out to be selfish and like I don’t care about my siblings because I don’t prioritize driving them everywhere.

Recently, we were talking about a friend who is also the eldest daughter and has a very strict mother. I said I would hate to have no freedom while constantly having to do things for others.

My mum responded by saying I’m selfish, that I have no interest in my siblings, and that the only person I care about succeeding is myself. She said if I didn’t “hate them so much,” then helping them would be easier. My brother also chimed in, saying I see them as a burden because I don’t care about them.

She’s tired of the whole situation.

The thing is, I drove them back and forth for a year while I was still in high school.

I think because I’ve been vocal about not wanting this responsibility anymore, they now see me as selfish because I’m not eager to drop everything for them.

I’m honestly just tired of feeling like I’m doing a lot, but it’s never enough. If I’m not helping, it feels like the moment someone needs something, I’m expected to drop everything because we’re supposed to be a “unit.”

She can’t change how she feels.

I also don’t ask much about their lives because no one really asked about mine growing up. I handled my own problems and never relied on anyone.

I don’t blame my siblings for needing help, and I don’t blame my mum for working. I just feel frustrated because I’m trying to manage university and work while still helping when I can.

My mum says she was also the eldest and all her siblings relied on her, but I don’t want that kind of responsibility all the time.

AITA?

Yikes! That does sound quite stressful.

Let’s see how the folks over at Reddit think she should handle this situation.

This person doesn’t think she’s wrong.

According to this reader, she’s not the parent.

Here are some good questions.

As for this reader, she’s definitely in the wrong.

This is a hard situation.

On one hand, she’s got a good point, but it does depend on who pays for the car, fuel, etc.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.