Things can get complicated when you step in to raise someone else’s child.

So, what would you do if a parent chose to walk away from their child, but later expected to be kept informed about major life events? Would you feel obligated to update them? Or would you focus on what the child needs and leave it at that?

In the following story, one aunt deals with this scenario and opts for the latter. Here’s her story.

AITA for not sending my niece’s dad updates after he kicked her out

My niece, Ami (15), has been living with me for 4 years. Her mom left when she was 2. Her dad and grandparents gave her a very good life, private schools, competitive sports, etc., then her grandparents passed away when she was 7 and 9.

Her dad married Grace when Ami was 10. Grace had 3 kids, 2 older than Ami and 1 younger. Ami never got along with Grace or her kids.

Grace had no intention of being a mother to Ami, but still insisted that her father treat all the kids equally, leading to Ami being pulled out of school and activities because he couldn’t afford them for everyone, which made Ami act out.

Sadly, Ami was diagnosed with an illness.

After a year, Grace gave Ami’s dad an ultimatum: either Ami goes, or she does. Next thing I know, Ami’s getting shipped across the country to my place.

It was rough at first, but after a lot of therapy and me doing everything I can to prove that I won’t leave, she’s doing great. She does well in school, and I got her back into her sports. Contact with her dad has been minimal. He calls around Christmas and her birthday, and he’s visited twice.

8 months ago, Ami was diagnosed with a serious, life-threatening illness. We ended up moving to be closer to some of the top specialists, and as of now, things are getting under control. I never told her dad about her illness because he never asked.

Ami’s father got furious when he found out.

Her dad found out that Ami was sick through a family member’s Facebook post. He’s been calling and texting me, furious that I never told him about Ami’s illness, asking if I know how bad it is to find out that his kid is severely ill from Facebook, and threatening to take me to court to get my custody revoked.

Losing custody is highly unlikely, but I plan to talk to Ami about pursuing adoption just in case.

When I talked to some friends about the situation, they all thought I should’ve at least texted Ami’s dad and given him a chance to visit Ami when she was sick, especially back when we didn’t know what was going to happen. Now I’m wondering if I was being too petty by not telling him that she was sick.

AITA?

Yikes! It’s easy to see both sides, but he did choose his wife over his kid.

Let’s check out what the people over at Redding think about it.

This person doesn’t like what the dad did.

According to this reader, a real dad would’ve known.

Here’s someone who’s not impressed by the dad.

Excellent advice.

She needs to contact an attorney. The dad made his choice and doesn’t get to act like that now.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.