If you’ve ever suffered any kind of trauma in your life, you’ll know how isolating it can be. Because trauma has all kinds of repercussions that you’d never expect – and depending on the intricacies of the trauma itself, it can have many different effects on your mind, your body, your life, and your relationships.

And for those of us with trauma, one thing that is encouraged is therapy. That’s because therapists are specially trained to help us to process and heal from the trauma, rather than simply locking it away or pretending it didn’t exist, then having a lifetime struggling as a result. But more than that, trauma teaches us to open up – something that can feel very difficult in some of the darkest trauma places.

The guy in this story has a best friend with multiple instances of trauma, and it has led to him being quite isolated as a result. Nonetheless, the pair are very good friends, so eventually the guy asked his friend to open up about what had happened, so that he could try to understand him fully. But he was not prepared for what he would hear.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA For telling my best friend that he’s hard to be friends with?

My best friend is the sweetest guy in the world, he has a huge heart and he’s a bit of a pushover.

I wouldn’t want to change anything about him, it’s hard to find authentic people and he’s never been anything but he’s genuinely good, through and through.

However, he’s been through a lot of traumas in his life and comes with quite a lot of baggage so I’m really his only friend.

He tries not to trauma dump, but I made the mistake in asking him if he could please just open up to me because I need to know how he’s feeling for the friendship to work.

Read on to find out why he thinks this offer was a mistake.

I say mistake because it seems like there’s always something wrong, like it’s a new thing every day.

He hurts himself a lot, he gets upset over the smallest thing… like a tiny argument can drag his mood down for weeks at a time, and his sadness just gets really exhausting to try and deal with all the time.

I told him that he needs to look for the positives in life (he has an amazing family) and he says sometimes he just can’t see the positives.

He does this weird emotional rating thing, and he’s always around the 10-40 out of 100 whatever that means.

And this friend’s approach to his buddy’s trauma has caused issues between them.

We had a bit of an argument last night, and I told him he was hard to be friends with and he got really really offended. I tried to explain that his attitude was sometimes just exhausting because he’s such a negative person but it upset him further.

Looking back on it now, probably not the best words to hear from your best friend.

I don’t remember how it spiralled, but I also told him I needed space and he should go talk to his other friends – knowing he doesn’t have any. I know it was a low blow, and I’m definitely the ******* there.

But he says I’m the ******* for telling him to open up and then saying he’s hard to be friends with. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, just that his depression can be exhausting.

AITA?

Wow. This guy knows that he’s done wrong, but he’s still asking this question?

His friend is right, don’t ask to know about someone’s trauma and mental health if you can’t handle it, and are going to reject them about it right afterwards. That’s completely unfair, and has probably ruined whatever trust his friend had for him.

It’s clear that he was trying to be supportive – his heart was in the right place – but he really wasn’t equipped to give his friend the kind of support he needed.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who stirred up family drama by finally choosing her own mom over her in-laws.

Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person was critical with the guy’s judgemental attitude.

While others thought his messages were completely wrong.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought the friend needed professional support.

There is a real moral to this story, which is to only request that people you know have faced significant trauma open up if you are equipped and ready to handle whatever they might say. Because sharing trauma can feel like ripping open a wound, and doing that can lead to all kinds of psychological repercussions, which is why licensed therapists are so important. They know how to create a safe and non-judgemental environment, and know all of the techniques to support someone who is struggling.

It’s fine to ask someone to confide in you, but if you are going to do so you need to make sure that your responses are appropriate. Because while telling a trauma survivor that they’re being too negative might seem like nothing to you, for your friend that could feel incredibly rejecting and invalidating, when what they really need is support and compassion.

He might’ve just been naive, but he needs to do better.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose friends say he’s privileged for wanting to eat at nicer restaurants.