Trust is a funny thing. It usually isn’t destroyed by one giant lie—it’s worn down by dozens of small disappointments until even the truth starts sounding suspicious.

This graduate student found herself stuck working on a thesis with a friend who, by her account, has made punctuality a completely optional concept. Despite living much closer to campus, the friend repeatedly showed up late, overslept important meetings, missed calls, and cycled through a seemingly endless list of excuses.

The breaking point came during a meeting with a professor when the friend nearly missed the appointment entirely, despite being reminded about it the day before and holding materials that were essential to the project. After that incident, OP finally confronted her about the pattern, only to be met with excuses, denial, and very little accountability.

So when another last-minute text arrived claiming she was too sick to attend an important lab session, OP’s immediate reaction wasn’t sympathy—it was disbelief.

AITA for not believing my friend when she said she was sick after constantly making excuses?

I (26F) and my friend (24F) ended up working together on our thesis after a cluster**** of events and drama. Needless to say, we weren’t each other’s first choice.

Even though I care about my friend, we are definitely polar opposites. I can be strict regarding my work. I absolutely value punctuality and as much as I go above and beyond to respect people’s time, I would like the same respect in return.

For context, my friend (let’s call her Mary) lives about 2 tram stations away from uni.Since we started working on our thesis, Mary has constantly been late, when I, have to go through a 1h30 commute and still manage to get there on time, no matter if I’m sick, if I pulled an all nighter or whatever.

Already off to a bad start.

Mary on the other hand, always has an excuse up her sleeve : “I didn’t wake up on time”, “my alarm didn’t go off” , “I fell asleep without meaning to”. Every. Single. Time. It’s ALWAYS the same excuse and I’m utterly sick of it.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when we had a meeting with a professor. The day before, Mary messed up the dates and thought she missed it because she didn’t wake up. I reassured her reminding her it’s tomorrow, and asked to please be on time.

D-Day I called her a dozen times. No answer. My stomach dropped since the samples needed were in her possession making it imossible to go alone. 30 minutes before our appointment, she sent me a text saying she didn’t wake up and she’ll hurry.

I was absolutely angry. Even though she made it on time, the stress and the anxiety I felt made me sick.

Totally understandable.

She never apologized. I was seething. She noticed and asked what’s wrong. I told her everything that’s been bothering me. She made excuses for some and denied half claiming it never happened.

After our fight, for a few days, she started being on time. Until today.

We were starting our lab work with a professor. Mary sent me a text 30 min before, claiming she wasn’t feeling well and asking if she can cancel.

Yeah right.

I’ve heard this excuse so many times that even if she really was sick, I didn’t believe her. I blew up on her, telling her it was completely unprofessional and disrespectful canceling on our professor 30min before.

I told her this isn’t the first time she’s doing this to me, that I was sick of it and she can do whatever she wants.

She told me “I’m coming even though I’m sick and I’m not feeling well because you’re gonna hold this over my head”. Wtf?? The only time I mentioned the times she stood me up or made excuses was during our fight.

Wowza.

I honestly am at a loss of words. I’m torn between feeling bad for her because I was harsh and she really looked sick, but on the other hand, if she didn’t make excuses all the time, I would’ve believed her and been more understanding.

I have no idea if she’s gaslighting me or if she actually doesn’t remember because to her, her behavior is normal.

Now, I’m questioning myself. Am I in the wrong here ? Am I missing something? Am I being a complete a******?

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Reddit largely landed on NTA, though many commenters acknowledged that the situation was messier than a simple right-versus-wrong judgment. A lot of people felt that even if Mary was genuinely sick this particular time, her history of chronic lateness and unreliable behavior had created the exact situation she found herself in: nobody believing her when it actually mattered.

>Many commenters pointed out that OP wasn’t reacting to a single absence. She was reacting to months of broken commitments, stressful last-minute scrambles, and repeated excuses that had already damaged trust within a high-stakes academic partnership. Several noted that reliability is especially important when another person’s grades, reputation, and workload are directly affected.

The overall consensus was that Mary may have been sick, but OP’s frustration didn’t appear to come from the illness, it came from the exhausting pattern that preceded it.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a professor so determined to start class on time that he barged in on the lecture ahead of him when it ran long.

This person says NTA (except for choosing to partner with her…she’s kind of the AH for that).

This person is on OP’s side.

And this person has some good advice.

If every emergency sounds exactly like the last ten emergencies, eventually people stop treating them like emergencies.