Some family visits are just visits. Others are the opening act of a much longer performance, and one man knows exactly which kind he’s dealing with.

His wife’s family welcomed his freeloading relatives with open arms for a single overnight stay, only to watch them eat through the fridge, drink through the liquor cabinet, and spend the entire evening complaining about money while sitting in a house far bigger than their own.

He recognized the pattern immediately, the same one that’s preceded every request for money or an extended stay in his past experience.

When his wife’s parents extended a barbecue invitation for the following weekend, he asked them to cancel it entirely, warning that nothing good would come from round two.

His wife called him harsh, but he thinks he’s just being realistic.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for asking not to invite my relatives to my wife’s family gathering?

My wife’s family are very nice and open-minded people. I really love them. They always try to be kind and welcome everyone.

I understand that this will sound rude, but unfortunately it is as it is.

Turns out, he doesn’t feel nearly as warm and fuzzy about his own family.

My relatives are completely different. They’re brazen freeloaders. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile, and then they’ll even say you didn’t give them enough.

A week ago, they came to our city “on vacation” and immediately asked to stay with us for a night. Just like a family visit.

His wife insisted they comply, so she soon got a front-row seat to his family’s bad behavior.

I didn’t want to, but my wife said we could get through one evening. So my mom, dad, aunt, and sister stayed with us for a day.

That evening, they ate almost all the food we had, my father drank almost 3 bottles of wine, and after, mum and aunt had their hands on a bottle of whiskey.

Whole evening I was listening to complaints about how bad things are for them, how expensive everything is, how they live in tiny apartments, while we have such a big house.

But he’s walked this path before — and it didn’t end well for him.

I’ve heard that tone before. It’s usually the start of requests to let them stay with us for longer, borrow money, or other ways to help them out.

I don’t mind helping relatives. But they are ungrateful, and as soon as you agree to help, they hand all the problems to you and basically do nothing until you solve it. In the end they act as if you owe them that help. If you fail, there will be a huge fight.

Still, this time they only complained, without asking anything.

Somehow, his wife still wanted more of their company.

Then, my wife’s parents invited them over for a barbecue on Sunday.

Yesterday at lunch, I asked my wife and her parents to cancel the invitation and barbecue too. I said nothing good would come of it and that my relatives would surely try to play on our pity or insist on staying over for a longer “vacation.”

His wife still didn’t seem to get it.

My wife said I was being too harsh, and her mom said that maybe they just need some kindness.

Maybe. Maybe I sounded too rude. But I’m trying to protect them from people I’ve known my whole life, and nothing good will happen from this barbecue.

AITA?

Sounds like his wife needs to start listening to his objections.

What did Reddit have to say?

Freeloaders thrive on kindness, exploiting it, anyway.

This man wasn’t against showing basic kindness. He had just been burned before.

This commenter thinks this man’s wife will see what he’s talking about eventually.

This commenter comes to the same conclusion.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a grandson who is tired of driving 5 hours one way to work on his grandparent’s investment property for free.

Recognizing a pattern before it fully plays out isn’t harshness, it’s just the type of pattern recognition you get really good at when you’ve been burned before.

This man had spent years watching his relatives turn small kindnesses into ongoing obligations, so he’s not going to let them act all wounded when the kindness well eventually runs dry.

His wife’s family being kind is admirable, but kindness aimed at people actively rehearsing their next move is just an invitation waiting to be exploited.

He knows better than to blindly trust these people.