Is HR on your side…?

Well, it depends on who you talk to.

Some people will swear that a worker can go to HR with complaints and it’s a good idea, while others swear up and down that every HR department in every company is THE DEVIL.

The truth is that every company is different, so you just have to adjust to it and use your best judgment.

The worker who wrote the story below is having a hard time at her job AND she thinks going to complain to HR will only make things worse.

Let’s take a look at what she had to say about this situation…

Is it worth going to HR about a manager’s communication style when I’m worried about retaliation?

“I’m debating whether to go to HR about my manager, and I’m honestly torn because I’m worried that involving HR could make the situation worse.

This doesn’t sound good…

My manager has a pattern of speaking to me in a condescending/demeaning way, particularly when I disagree with her feedback or try to set a boundary. This isn’t a one-time incident.

Most recently, I taught a training for the first time. I knew it probably wasn’t perfect, but I thought I did reasonably well considering it was my first time teaching it.

When we discussed it afterward, my manager immediately started talking about how she had “a lot of notes” and said that if the students took the test that day, they wouldn’t pass.

When I said that I thought I had done a pretty good job for my first time, she responded, “You always disagree with my feedback.”

She’s willing to learn…

I’m not opposed to feedback. I actually think there are legitimate things I can improve on. My issue is the way she communicates with me and how quickly disagreement seems to become a criticism of my attitude or receptiveness to feedback.

She delivers feedback in a very negative manner and dramatic manner and particularly this year, I felt like she is getting a bit harsher with her feedback towards me. She does give me positive feedback but definitely more negative feedback overall.

This also isn’t the first time I’ve felt talked down to by her. I’ve previously brought concerns to our director, but the director told me that I need to work things out with my manager.

She’s not on board with this idea…

I don’t feel particularly comfortable doing that because she is my direct supervisor and has significant authority over my employment.

I’m now considering going to HR and asking for mediation.

My thinking is that even if HR doesn’t change anything, at least there would be a formal record of the issue and an opportunity to establish expectations around respectful communication.

My concerns are:

HR will dismiss this as a “personality conflict.”

Nothing will actually change.

My manager will be angry that I went to HR and potentially retaliate or treat me worse afterward.

It’s understandable that she’s worried about this…

One coworker has also told me she has her own concerns about this manager and would be willing to speak with HR independently, although she says my manager isn’t as “mean” to her as she is to me.

Would you go to HR in this situation?

Is mediation a reasonable request, or am I setting myself up for more problems by involving HR?

When I posted on AskHR, they said never involve HR unless you are being harassed or discriminated based on age, race, or gender but HR person says to go to her if we are unhappy about something at the company and none of us like this particular manager but you have to be very careful with how you frame the conversation clearly.”

And here’s what folks had to say about this on Reddit.

This person didn’t hold back.

Another reader weighed in.

This individual shared their thoughts.

Another person spoke up.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an employer who has an unexpectedly hard time retrieving a company vehicle from a fired employee.

And this reader shared their thoughts.

Well, this doesn’t sound good, now does it?

She’s stuck right in the middle and she’s not sure what to do next.

That’s never a good feeling!

It might be time for her to find a new job and get out of this place…