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When co-parenting plans unexpectedly fall apart, finding another workable solution should theoretically be a good thing. Unless, apparently, solving one problem creates an entirely new fight.

One man is separating from his wife, who recently planned a trip to her hometown for a friend’s 50th birthday. Before making arrangements, she asked whether he could care for their children while she was away.

His work schedule made that complicated, but his employer initially agreed to accommodate the necessary late arrivals and early departures. Since his ex couldn’t currently afford the trip, she also asked him for a loan that she planned to repay once a project was completed.

He agreed to both requests.

Then his workplace unexpectedly revoked some of his flexibility, meaning he could no longer handle Monday’s school transportation as planned. His solution was for his ex to cut her trip short and return Sunday.

She wasn’t happy about that.

But when she eventually found someone else to handle the kids on Monday, he responded by withdrawing something else: the money she needed to take the trip at all.

AITA for not paying for my ex’s holiday

I (38M) got into a big fight with my soon to be ex wife (42F) because I wont pay for her to travel for her friends 50th birthday.

A bit of context, just over a month ago my ex came to me and said she wanted to travel to her home town to celebrate her friends 50th birthday and asked me if I will be able to look after the kids during that time.

I spoke to my work and all seemed to be ok, I leave home an hour before the kids school starts and get back 3 hours after their school closes.

Doesn’t seem like it’ll work…

This means i will have to be 2 hours late (due to traffic) and leave 3 hours early on the days she will be gone.

My ex also asked if you could lend her the money for the trip as she cant afford it and will pay me back when a project finishes.

Jump to the current, the head of the department resigned and the new head is starting on one of the days she will be gone as such I cant be late or leave early as this will reflect badly and HR revoked my “leave” for that day.

Uh oh.

I explained this to her and informed her she will have to cut her trip short and return on the Sunday instead of the Tuesday, the birthday in question is the Saturday.

She then proceeded to shout at me and tell me I am selfish and I need to make a plan.

This spiraled to the point that she told me she doesn’t care about my job security and the repercussions of me coming in late on those days in question.

Yikes.

Yesterday she told me she has made a plan with people I don’t know well to transport the children on the Monday, I said to her that as I explained Monday was out of the question and won’t work for me.

She informed me that its tough and she is going, so I said that is fine but i won’t be lending her the money then as she has shown that my job that gave me the money is not important to her.

Now I am selfish and an a****** because I wont pay for her to go on a trip when she can’t afford it. So AITA?

The ex certainly didn’t handle the initial conversation well. Telling her co-parent she doesn’t care about his job security was unnecessarily hostile, especially when the scheduling change wasn’t his fault.

But once she found another way to handle Monday’s transportation, his work conflict was no longer the reason she needed to return early.

That makes withdrawing the loan afterward feel less like a practical decision and more like punishment for what she said during their argument. He had already agreed to lend her the money, apparently with the expectation that she would repay it. Nothing about her financial circumstances or repayment plan seems to have changed.

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He also doesn’t necessarily get unilateral veto power over another childcare arrangement simply because he doesn’t know the people well. If there are legitimate safety or parenting concerns, those deserve a conversation. Simply insisting Monday is “out of the question” after she found transportation doesn’t resolve them.

Of course, he isn’t obligated to bankroll his ex’s vacations indefinitely. They’re separating, and establishing clearer financial boundaries is probably wise.

But changing an existing agreement specifically because she offended him is different from deciding that lending money between exes is no longer appropriate.

She was wrong to dismiss his job. He can still be wrong for turning the loan into leverage once she solved the scheduling problem.

This person says OP is the AH.

This person agrees.

And this person explains it in simple terms.

She found another ride for the kids, but apparently the loan disappeared because she took him for one instead.

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Author

Diana Whelan

Diana Whelan | Contributing Writer, Life & Drama

Diana Whelan is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter specializing in family dynamics, viral internet culture, and interpersonal relationships. Drawing on her extensive professional background as a senior copywriter in the digital marketing space, Diana excels at transforming community-driven conversations and trending social media debates into relatable, highly engaging narratives.

Rather than simply aggregating online drama, Diana brings a balanced, humorous, and empathetic editorial voice to everyday dilemmas and parenting moments. She has a keen eye for finding the human element at the center of complex relationship conflicts and viral social trends.

Outside of writing, Diana is usually spending time with her husband and two kids, planning elaborate themed parties, or chasing down new family adventures. Fueled by a little too much caffeine and a love for a well-placed pun, she can often be found unwinding with a glass of wine and her very patient golden retriever.

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