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If you are blessed with a skill or talent – whether that’s crafting or DIY, your intelligence or your athleticism – it’s natural that you will want to use those talents to help your family and friends out every now and then. And whether that’s knitting a cardigan for a newborn in the family or coaching your kid’s football team, we naturally give our time and our talents freely. After all, what use are our skills if they’re not shared, and used to make other folks’ lives better?

So when the woman in this story found out that her friend was having potluck dinner party for her birthday, she naturally wanted to make the dessert. After all, she was a keen baker, and sharing her elaborate desserts with the people she loves is a real joy for her.

However, there was a spanner in the works, as another friend chimed in, wanting to bake a cake and meaning that there would be too many desserts for the party.

Read on to find out what happened next.

AITA for not making my friend’s birthday dessert?

My friend Star (25, female) has been having a special dinner party for her birthday for the last few years.

The very first year, I (26, female) made her a fancy birthday dessert that everybody loved.

The next year, I was going to surprise her with another fancy birthday dessert, but another friend, Moon (25, female) “called it” before I could say anything.

This year, I told Star a few months in advance that I wanted to make her special birthday dessert again this year, and she approved.

Let’s see how the dessert plans changed again this time.

Well Star called me a few weeks ago and told me that other people are making some other smaller desserts like cookies and cake pops, and requested I do not make anything at all out of fear there will be too many desserts.

Well, her party is coming up now and Moon texted us that she will be making a cake again this year.

On top of that, Star sent a sign up sheet with blank spaces next to some of the food AND desserts.

So I signed up for a dessert, but texted Star to double check that she still wanted them since Moon is making a cake now – and I reminded Star that she told me she was worried there would be too much dessert.

And all of this has now become too confusing.

So first of all, I’m conflicted because Star told me not to make anything at all but then sends a sign up sheet.

And second of all, Star replied and told me to not make the desserts I signed up for because Moon is really adamant and excited about wanting to make the cake.

So I’m feeling slighted because Star is sparing my feelings to accommodate Moon. I’m also just hurt in general because I have been wanting to make the special dessert two years in a row now and am getting slighted again. If she never wanted me to make anything at all she should have just said so.

So am I wrong for being upset that I can’t make Stars special birthday dessert?

AITA?

This sounds like a very high-maintenance friendship, in which any attempt to bring order through a sign up sheet is descending into chaos anyway.

It’s a real shame that this woman isn’t being allowed to make the dessert because yet again Moon is dominating.

Honestly, it sounds exhausting.

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Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person thought she was fine to be upset.

While others wondered whether perhaps her dessert wasn’t as in demand as she’d thought.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a dad who can’t understand why his son can sleep in now that he’s not commuting to the office.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought there was no real reason to be confused here.

It really feels like Star’s birthday has become a site of culinary chaos, with her two friend fighting over who is going to make dessert rather than everyone just agreeing to something in a stress-free manner. And it’s understandable that this woman is upset, since she missed out on being able to make dessert last year when Moon claimed it before she could – but now that she has bagged the dessert-making in advance, the goalposts have moved, meaning that Moon gets to make dessert again. And while this is complicated and a little convoluted, one thing it isn’t is fair.

Whether it’s that the friends didn’t actually like this woman’s dessert that much, or they simply preferred the cake that Moon baked – or whether it’s more the case that Moon is easily disgruntled and Star is trying to appease here, none of this is fair on the friend who just wants to make a dessert. And whether it’s that they need to let her down easily or just otherwise communicate with her, some actual discussion would be nice here. After all, she’s just trying to do a nice thing.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

Connect with Kyra on Twitter/X and Instagram.