There are so many red flags that people wave early on in relationships that, for some reason, aren’t always as plain as they should be.

There are also plenty of people who keep their red flags deep in their pockets until the other person is properly entangled, but that’s a post for another day.

Today, these 17 women are dishing on the things they saw but ignored – but that definitely should have had them calling things off – before they were married.

17. It’s always the small things.

Not keeping his word. He didn’t keep his word on small things then and now he doesn’t keep his word on larger things.

16. A compulsive liar.

He lied about all kinds of things.

Told me that a coworkers wife had cancer (she didn’t ) told me later that I had made that up.

He told me that if he got an erection and it wasn’t satisfied, he would have to go to the hospital to have it fixed (I can’t believe I was that naive)

He told me that my mother and he had an affair before we met (why would he say that?) told me she came onto him.

When I found a ring box on the Christmas tree that my father had hidden for my mother, he said it was from him. When I excitedly showed it to my father, who was truly shocked, he just shrugged. Told me I misunderstood.

Told his and mine 9 yo son he was coming home for Christmas and had lots of toys for him. He never showed up and no toys ever came. Told me my son misheard him.

Told everyone at the same sons funeral that he “always” wrote to his son since the divorce and they had a special bond. He never ever wrote and my son had legally changed his name to mine and never bothered telling his father. My son never saw or heard anything from his father since we left 14 years earlier.

15. You’re watching for a pattern.

The way he treats OTHER people, not just me.

That is, he was good to me early on, because he wanted to impress me. The poor treatment came later.

So the lesson I learned is to watch how he (or she) treats OTHER people. Since they’re not trying to impress them, you can spot their true colors much more easily that way.

Watch how they treat their friends, family, coworkers, etc. You’re looking for a pattern of behavior. If they have a problem with their boss, maybe they have a bad boss. If they have a problem with every boss they’ve ever had, that’s a different story!

Similar for friends. Maybe they have one problematic friend, but that’s different from having problems with practically ALL their friends!

Especially pay attention to how they treat women they’re not attracted to. And to people they consider “inferior” (for example, waitstaff and retail workers). And of course, pay attention to who they consider inferior in the first place!

14. Lies are lies.

Little white lies.

Turned out he also told huge lies as well.

13. Not a partner.

Not cleaning up after themselves/helping with cooking and cleaning.

Never again.

12. It will always come up as a problem.

I say this fully loving my husband and it is something he is truly working on and has improved quite a bit (still working on it tho), but if they don’t clean their dorm room/apartment/whatever…they won’t clean the home you share.

11. A short list.

Blaming other people for money issues

Not paying taxes

Living outside their means/living paycheck to paycheck

The only friends they have are people they’ve been intimate with

If all their friends are druggies, so are they.

If they admit to cheating on previous partners, they will probably cheat again

If their pet dog is neurotic/untrained

Not wanting to fix personal problems

Poor hygiene could be due to mental illness

10. They never are.

Extreme jealousy. I dated some who watched my house, tried to trace my calls, let me see no one but him, constant arguments, was late, insulted me.

He wasn’t like that at the beginning of our relationship, he was a meek boy, but even then everyone was saying that these things would happen, I didn’t listen to them, I was too in love to see his flaws, afterwards everyone was right about him.

I thought he was jealous and I found him cute but he started going out of bounds, I felt like he wanted to break my psyche, he didn’t succeed luckily, I didn’t have the guts to end the relationship but he had to. He is very far away and may he stay that way…

9. Too easily swayed.

Indecision, being wishy washy about small decisions. This lead to him not being able to honor big commitments. He could be easily swayed.

8. Sounds pretty awful.

When he was proud of not ever doing anything he didn’t want to. Turns out he’s right, he won’t. Which included changing absolutely anything in his life when the children arrived.

the holes in the walls. Speaks for itself.

7. No one really changes.

all of them. seriously. whatever mildly annoys you while you’re dating will make you want to scream at them after 5-10 years of marriage. they will not change just because you married them. any minor point to contention now is likely to become a major sticking point later.

pay attention to these things and decide which ones you do or don’t want to live with.

6. You have to get on the same page.

If y’all spend money differently, don’t think it’s going to change after your married, after you have kids, after you have a joint bank account, etc.

Financial reasons are the number one reason people get divorced and if you aren’t on the same page now, you most likely won’t be 5,10, 15 years later.

5. An unhealthy dynamic.

How involved are his parents in your relationship.

We were dating only a few months and it’s like his parents were just… always… involved in our relationship. I actually didn’t ignore this sign. I ended up breaking up with him not too long after I noticed this, but I think this is a big one, ladies.

To clarify; what I mean is that the parents would make decisions for him or kind of influence his decisions I guess; would kind of be in the know about things happening in our relationship, etc. It’s just weird, you know? We were in our mid-twenties. This kind of dynamic is just unhealthy. Period.

4. Not his mommy.

always left dishes piled up in the sink until mold grew, and didn’t really pick up his clothes. It turns out, mommy did everything for him, so he never thought much about it.

I should have realized this wasn’t going to change when we moved in together.

3. Hoarding.

His need to keep things because “I might use this later!”

It’s turned into a hoarding issue. I can’t even have a dresser because there’s too many boxes in our house. We have two cars we should have junked in the driveway, filled with stuff. I cry a lot over it because I can’t handle clutter.

I feel claustrophobic and can never feel relaxed in my own home. Its just another reason our marriage is failing. He gets mad that I’m upset over it.

2. Why is this so common.

Mommy still bought him his clothes.

1. You’re not special.

The coveted “he hates everyone but me”. Yes it makes you feel special and fawned over, but you’re gonna have to be everything for them because they have no other meaningful relationships in their life.

Man, it’s so easy to judge from the outside, right?

Listen to your friends, people. They always know.