It used to be that in a marriage women stayed home to cook, clean and raise the kids while the men went to work and paid the bills. That’s not always the way it works anymore.

Often, both spouses work, but in this story, it’s complete role reversal where the wife works and the husband stays home.

The problem is that his wife doesn’t think he’s keeping up on the household chores very well.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA because I expect my ADHD stay-at-home husband to clean, do laundry, and other chores while I am at work?

I (45f) work as a music teacher. That means some I end up spending a lot of extra time at work doing musicals, concerts, and things like that.

I bring home all the money.

When I got pregnant with my oldest, my husband (38m) and I decided he would stay at home with the kids because I made more than he did.

He tried to make money with Twitch, but barely brought home $100 a month, if that. None of that goes to household expenses and it usually gets spent on junk food for him.

When the kids are in school, there’s more time for a job.

Now that our youngest is in all-day preschool, we both agreed that he needed to either get a job or do something else to make money.

He decided on homesteading.

I started a garden and we got a bunch of chickens.

I work on the garden when I’m not exhausted after work (maybe one weeknight a week) and on weekends when the weather is good. I’m starting the garden from scratch, so it’s a lot of hard work with hand tools to prepare the beds.

She can tell he does some housework.

He does a pretty good job of doing the dishes and feeding us.

The laundry gets done, but it’s not always folded.

As far as I can tell, he attempts to clean portions of the house maybe once a week to once a month.

He made a brooder box for the chickens and has been working on the chicken coop for the last three weeks.

But there are a lot of things he hasn’t gotten done.

I am getting increasingly frustrated with the state of the house and his inability to get things done.

For example, the toilet paper holder I bought five months ago is still sitting in a bathroom, not installed.

Today (a Saturday) he said I should look after the kids so he can get the coop done.

My response was that he had eight hours five days a week while I’m at work and the kids are at school to work on it.

He has an excuse.

He complains that it’s his ADHD keeping him from doing it (he’s medicated).

Because of his ADHD and anxiety, he struggles to keep a job anyway, but he also streams 4 hours every morning and 4 hours every night on Twitch. He thinks he’s finally growing his channel by doing this.

I don’t have as much time to do anything and I’m getting frustrated because some things won’t be ready to harvest in time unless I get them in the ground soon.

He complains that I don’t help out around the house, which I don’t except picking up after myself.

Struggling financially doesn’t help.

We don’t have a lot of money and we had to resort to using our credit cards to move to our current location and buy things for the garden and homestead.

In order to pay them off, I’ve had to take a second job.

I’m frustrated, stressed, and exhausted all of the time now, so maybe I’m overreacting.

He said that I shouldn’t have taken the extra job.

He’s upset, the kids are crying, and she’s not sure if she’s in the wrong.

He just drove off in his car that we haven’t been able to afford to fix, leaving our oldest crying after he overheard our argument.

AITA because I wanted my husband to keep an eye on our kids so I could work on the garden?

Am I also TA because I expect him to do dishes, the laundry, keep the house clean, and his homesteading stuff when I’m not home without chipping in on the housework?

She expects a lot of him. While he is home all day, her list of things for him to accomplish may be too long. However, I’m sure he could do more than he’s doing now. Or, he could get a job and they could hire a maid. I’m not sure how homesteading is going to help them pay the bills.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

This person thinks the husband is really bringing nothing to the marriage.

Someone with ADHD weighs in.

Homesteading was not the right choice for this guy.

This is a very good point!

He needs to step up and get a job.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.