Every family is unique, and unfortunately, people don’t always get along with each other.

What would you do if your adoptive sister was living with her biological parents and causing trouble, but your adoptive parents still wanted her to come to Christmas?

That is the situation the young lady in this story is in, but she is refusing to go if her sister is there.

AITA for refusing to go to Christmas if my sister comes?

Ok, so I (21) have an older brother (27) and younger sister (19), all of us are adopted.

Adoptive families can be a real blessing, but not always.

We do not share birth parents and have different circumstances, my brother who we will call Shane was adopted as a child, he was young, but I know he was old enough to remember his birth family and they lost him due to abusive circumstances, my sister who we will call Sally and I were adopted at birth.

So, here’s the issue, I love my family, my adoptive parents are my parents and they are amazing! We were raised very privileged. My parents were always open about us being adopted and never kept my sister or I from finding our birth parents.

She shouldn’t be forced.

My birth mother has tried to get into contact with me and I am not interested at all, but that’s a separate matter.

Sally though has gotten in contact with her birth family and it’s kind of a mess, they are not good people and it’s obvious to everyone but her that every time they call her, they are asking for something, usually money.

She should be aware that she is being mistreated.

You want to talk to your birth family? Fine but she’s treating our parents badly now, saying adoption is trauma and that they stole her and all this, she also lives in their house btw!

And she had been pressuring both Shane and I to contact our birth families. I think she’s a tone def moron to even suggest this.

The parents just want what is best for her.

My parents think the internet and college is influencing her and she’ll snap out of it, but I know they are deeply concerned about her involvement with her birth family and don’t want to push her away but I feel like they are coddling her because of that and it’s not fair to Shane and I.

It’s the whole the squeaky wheel gets the grease type of thing.

The sister shouldn’t be pressuring her.

I’m upset, because one my adoptive situation is fully up to me and I’m sick of justifying myself, Shane’s situation should not be questioned.

So, here’s where I may be in the wrong, I’m refusing to go to Christmas if Sally is there.

Unless there is more to it, this should really be left up to the adoptive parents. Don’t push her further away.

Again, she lives with them, and I suggested Sally either goes to her beloved birth family, or we celebrate somewhere else, she’s a nightmare and I will not spend my favorite holiday with her. If adoption is so abusive then go be with your blood, right?

Shane is fully on board with me, he and I are very close and he’s the best big brother I could ask for, I’ll admit we’ve all been spoiled by our parents and my sister and I can be bratty but Shane has never been a problem.

This isn’t her role.

He’s very passive and I find myself wanting to be a brat on his behalf because he will not stand up for himself.

My parents are upset, not attacking me or anything, it’s all very gentle and mild as usual but they want to keep the peace, they are ok with Sally being mean to them.

It seems like the parents are handling it well.

They try and correct her about Shane but it’s all too soft for me.

I don’t want her there, and I love them but I feel like they are lighting themselves, Shane and I on fire just to keep Sally warm.

Both daughters are making things harder for the parents than they need to be.

I hate seeing them sad and I know it’s causing my mother especially so much stress because she doesn’t want to choose but I think she has to.

AITA for giving an ultimatum?

Yes, she very much is out of line for this ultimatum, unless there is more to the story than she has told here. Let the parents raise her sister the way they see fit, including having her over for Christmas.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

I agree with this commenter.

It isn’t her job to protect her parents.

This commenter says not to push the parents away.

The parents are in a difficult spot.

This commenter says to celebrate on a different day.

Her parents are doing the best they can in a difficult situation.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.