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Moving to a new city where you only know one person puts you in a weird position socially. You’re grateful to know someone, but you also know that leaning on them for every interaction isn’t sustainable for either of you.

In this story, a woman moved across the country and into an apartment with her childhood best friend, who’d already been in the city for five years with a boyfriend and an established social circle.

The friend generously invited her along to everything, and she was thankful for it. But after a few weeks of only socializing through her roommate, she signed up for some local events and clubs on her own to start building an independent social life.

Her friend asked why she wasn’t invited, and it led to hurt feelings and questions about whether or not she should invite her friend to join her.

Keep reading for the full dilemma.

AITA for asking my friend to not come with me to social events

I just moved to a new city and moved in with my childhood best friend.

She has been living in that city for about 5 years now (has a serious boyfriend and friends in the city).

It is so awesome that we have the opportunity to live together after dreaming about it since we were little girls.

She’s happy her friend has included her in so many things, but lately she feels she needs to start branching out.

I am also so grateful because my friend has been inviting me out to hang out with her friends whenever they do so I have been getting closer with them as well.

However, it has been a few weeks and the only people I have been hanging out with is my friend, her boyfriend/his friends, and her friends, which I do not mind!

But I do want to venture out and find some friends of my own so I don’t feel so dependent on my friend for my social life.

So she took the initiative to make it happen, but that’s where the drama started.

I signed up for some local events and club meetings to go to and told her I was planning on going.

She asked why I didn’t ask if she wanted to go and seemed a bit upset.

She was honest with her friend, but her friend wasn’t exactly getting it.

I told her my reason of not wanting to be dependent on her for my social life and I want to meet more people.

And she said she wants to come with me.

I would be fine with that, but I feel like I would rather go by myself because I think that would force me to talk to other people more since I am a bit introverted.

Still, the two continue to not be on the same page.

So I told her honestly, if you want to go to these because they actually interest you, yes of course, but I really do want to try going to some alone.

But now she is saying she doesn’t want to go to any and is a bit upset.

AITA???

Sounds like this woman was doing the perfectly logical thing, but it didn’t quite land with her bestie/roomie.

What did Reddit have to say?

Maybe she could have eased her friend into this new idea.

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This user brings up a good point.

This user doesn’t see a problem with her friend attending at least some of the events.

It’s not as easy to make a friend when you already have one standing right next to you.

The woman in this story deserves some serious kudos. She did something most people in her position wouldn’t have the self-awareness to do this early: she recognized the dependency forming, identified what she needed to fix it, and communicated it directly to her friend.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a student who did the math and figured out he was better off skipping school than serving detention if he forgot his ID.

That’s emotional maturity, and the fact that her roommate took it as rejection doesn’t change that.

The friend has had five years to build her own life in this city. She has a boyfriend, a social circle, and an established routine.

This woman deserves a chance to build her own path, and she’ll still need plenty of support from her bestie to do that.

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Author

Benjamin Cottrell

Benjamin Cottrell | Assistant Editor, Internet Culture

Benjamin Cottrell is an Assistant Editor and contributing writer at TwistedSifter, specializing in internet culture, viral social dynamics, and the moral complexities of online communities. He brings a highly analytical, editorial voice to his reporting on workplace conflicts, malicious compliance, and interpersonal drama, with a specific focus on nuanced stories that lack an obvious villain.

As a published author of rhetorical criticism, Benjamin leverages his academic background in human communication to dissect and elevate viral social media threads. Instead of simply summarizing events, he provides readers with balanced, deep-dive commentary into why the internet reacts the way it does. In addition to his cultural reporting, he is an experienced fine art photography essayist and video game reviewer.

When he isn’t analyzing the latest viral debates, Benjamin is usually chipping away at his extensive video game backlog, hunting down the best new restaurants, or out exploring the city with a camera in hand.

Connect with Benjamin on Instagram and read more of his essays on Substack.