Nobody expects preschoolers to have perfect manners. They’re four. Sharing is a work in progress, emotions are enormous, and occasionally someone gets called a poopyhead. But when one child consistently singles out another, there’s only so much a parent can watch before deciding enough is enough.

One mom says her daughter, Addie, has been dealing with an unkind classmate named Mia since the beginning of preschool. From insulting Addie’s clothes to telling other children not to play with her, Mia has apparently made herself a regular topic of conversation at home.

To Addie’s credit, she’s learned to stand up for herself and walk away when necessary. Her mother has also witnessed the behavior firsthand, but previous attempts to get a reaction from Mia’s parents haven’t exactly been encouraging.

Then the families unexpectedly crossed paths at a park, where Mia quickly started upsetting several children.

When she turned her attention to Addie and made her cry, the mom decided she wasn’t going to sit quietly through another round of insults.

Unfortunately, Mia’s mother had a very different opinion about who needed correcting.

AITA for scolding a 4-year-old in front of her mother?

For background, my daughter “Addie” (4) has been attending preschool with “Mia” (4) since August of last year.

Since almost day one, Addie has come home and complained about Mia. “Mia said my dress is ugly!” “Mia said I’m annoying!” “Mia won’t let the other kids play with me.” Things like that. It has never gotten better.

At first it was really hard but then Addie started developing a thicker skin.

Good for her.

She stands up for herself (tells Mia she doesn’t like it when Mia does XYZ) or just walks away. Some days it still makes her sad but mostly she’s okay. She does not complain about any other kid, only Mia.

I’ve personally witnessed Mia doing this behavior. And not just to Addie, other kids too. Mia has gone up to Addie and whacked things out of her hand, covers her ears dramatically when Addie speaks, tells others not to play with her because Addie is not “cute.”

Only once has this happened in front of Mia’s parents (her dad specifically) and he shrugged and said, “what can you do?”

Well…you can do a lot, actually.

Now to where I might be the AH. Yesterday, at a park near the preschool, my family was playing when Mia and her mom showed up.

Addie was going to swing and Mia rushed over and grabbed the swing from Addie’s hand.

My husband was with Addie and told Addie to let it go and she could have a turn next. Mia begins to say “no she can’t!” I couldn’t really hear anything else. Mia’s mom eventually walks over to swing her kid.

Uh oh…

Within about 10 minutes, Mia has made 2 other kids cry already by calling them ugly and annoying, and telling others not to play with said child.

Then Mia turns to Addie (still happily on the swing) and starts shouting “you’re ugly! You’re stupid!” Loudly.

This time Addie starts to cry. Mia’s mom is sitting 12 feet away but doesn’t get up. I walked up to Mia and in a stern mama voice said, “Mia, that’s not kind to say. Addie does not like it when you speak to her like that.”

Oh no she did NOT.

Mia immediately starts whining that “Addie’s mom is mean!” And runs to her mom.

Then Mia’s mom got upset at me for yelling at her daughter (I didn’t) and that I should never talk to someone’s child, especially when the parents are there. That’s a job for the parents.

I explained that Mia’s words were hurtful and I was would not sit by while it happened. I calmly told her that if it happened again I would do the same thing.

100%.

Another mom came over and also commented that Mia had been really hurtful to her son. Mia’s mom didn’t address any of this and said Addie was the one who called Mia mean first (apparently at the swings, when I didn’t hear, though my husband later clarified Addie told Mia that Mia was being mean for refusing to share the swing).

We went in circles, with the mom blaming it all on my child. I didn’t go into the history and I, in a less than mature approach, I said something like, “I see where Mia gets it from.” And walked away.

So am I the AH? I did speak sternly to a 4 year old and I could have walked over to the mom instead. Maybe I’d do it differently.

Commenters would likely side with Addie’s mother on the central issue: she addressed behavior that was actively hurting her child, and she did so without insulting, threatening or physically interfering with Mia. Telling a four-year-old that calling someone ugly and stupid is unkind isn’t an unreasonable response, particularly when the child’s own parent is nearby and doing nothing.

There’s also an important distinction between disciplining someone else’s child and intervening when that child is mistreating yours. Addie’s mother wasn’t trying to establish herself as Mia’s parent. She was setting a boundary about how her daughter could be treated.

That said, the parting comment about seeing where Mia gets her behavior from probably wasn’t her finest moment. It’s understandable after months of frustration, but it gave Mia’s mother something else to argue about instead of addressing what had actually happened.

The fact that another parent independently raised concerns about Mia’s behavior suggests this wasn’t simply a disagreement between two families. At four, Mia still has plenty of time to learn how to treat other children, but she needs adults willing to teach her.

And if her mother insists that correcting Mia is exclusively the parents’ job, she might want to start doing it.

This person had some advice.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a resident who is not amused by new parking rules, so locks a lot gate to teach management a lesson.

This person recommends giving her a piece of OP’s mind.

And this person had some good advice from her mother…and it still applies.

If correcting Mia is strictly her mother’s job, someone might want to let her know the position is still vacant.