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Childhood, in an ideal world, would be a time when you could grow up free from responsibilities, where you could play and where you could trust the adults around you to love and support you unconditionally. You could rely on your parents or guardians to be firm but fair, to gently nudge you back on the right path when things weren’t going so well, and to shower you with love and praise when they were.

However, it goes without saying that no parent is perfect, and most people’s childhoods were far from idyllic. After all, raising a family is stressful – you are literally responsible for the safety, welfare, and wellbeing of a child, all whilst having to keep a home safe and clean, having to work long hours so that you can feed and house your family in the first place, all while dealing with the various complications of being human and all those nice and not so nice surprises that can pop up along the way.

The siblings in this story grew up with a sister whose special needs required a lot of adaptation from the family. Of course, these siblings loved their sister and were happy to adapt accordingly, but understandably, this still took its toll – even into adulthood, as they were expected to continually make sacrifices for their sister’s wellbeing. They accepted this unquestioningly – until one day, these expectations spilled over into family drama.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA for not inviting my sister?

I (33, female) have twin siblings (27, male and female). I also have a 5-year-old daughter.

It’s important to note that our sister has special needs. She cannot drive and will never be able to.

My brother and I have had to give up a lot in life to accommodate our sister and her feelings.

My mom is the leading reason behind a lot of this.

Let’s see what this looks like in practice.

Things typically revolve around what my sister wants, and we have no choice but to go with it. My mom gets upset when we don’t do things our sister’s way. My sister is all about routine, she hates it when her routine is broken.

When we go places, we must list every place we are going in order and stick to that order. It’s extremely frustrating for my brother and I but we make it work.

It’s important to note that, when my sister goes to the places she wants to go, she’s done. An attitude comes out and she’s ready to go home.

We purposely must make sure her stops are dead last, even if it’s an inconvenience, just to keep the peace and make sure the day remains good.

But recently, circumstances dictated things were a little different.

My brother recently was in a car accident. His car is in the shop for at least the next two months. He has a jeep, but the jeep isn’t likely to make a long road trip.

This weekend is tax free weekend in the state we live in. I invited my brother after his accident to go shopping with me, my daughter and her dad. Usually when I invite my brother, my sister and mom automatically invite themselves too.

When I invited him, I wasn’t even thinking about his car being in the shop and honestly, I didn’t think he’d go. He usually doesn’t but this time he said he wanted to.

Here is where the problem is, I didn’t exactly extend the invite this time to my sister, but I assumed as usual her and my mom were going.

And that assumption turned out to be a big problem.

Monday, I went to my mom’s where her and my sister were in the living room. I asked them both, “are y’all going this weekend” to which my mom responded no. My sister said nothing.

My mom texted me last night mad because I didn’t invite my sister. Which isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. My brother will be riding with me, my daughter and her dad.

My daughter is still in a car seat because she doesn’t meet weight requirements to be out of it. Which leaves no room for my sister, since my mother said she wasn’t coming.

If my mom would have wanted to join, my brother would have driven my mom and sister in my mom’s car. Now my sister and mom are mad at me acting like I’m an ******* for not inviting her. I know I’m at fault for just assuming but am I in the wrong here?

AITA?

Honestly, this twin brother and older sister and heroes for the way they have tailored their lives around their sister, at their mom’s request. And sure they love her, but this is a lot.

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But sometimes things have to change, and this is not working – especially with mom not cooperating with the day out.

They have done more than enough through the last few decades, they deserve a bit of time for themselves without having to be their sister’s carers.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person thought that the older sister and twin brother needed to put themselves first for once.

While others thought that the mom and younger sister were the issue here.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman whose family says she’s selfish for not wanting strangers living in her trailer.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that the older sister and twin brother needed to start setting boundaries.

The truth is that, although they dearly love their sister and are happy to take her on days out and care for her accordingly, this older sister and twin brother need their own lives too. In the end, it sounds like they already do a lot for her, and have spent their lives tailoring everything to her needs. That’s really commendable and they are clearly very good and patient people – but sometimes everyone with caring responsibilities needs some time for themselves, away from the family member they are supporting. And while the disabled sister lives with her mom, this older sister and the brother deserve to have some time just for themselves now too.

In the end, it’s pretty clear where their mom’s priorities are, and it sucks that they’re all her kids, but the older sister and twin brother’s needs will always seemingly be disregarded because of the twin sister. That’s a really sad way to grow up, and it’s the reason that very few boundaries seem to exist within the family now – because likely all through childhood both siblings were expected to make sacrifices for their sister, so now it’s just the norm. But the truth is, it can’t go on like this, it’s not sustainable for anyone involved. They need to make some boundaries right away, or everyone is going to keep suffering.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

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