She Planned Her Wedding Close To Home So Both Grandmothers Could Attend, But One Chose Not To Come On The Day Of
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Getting married is a huge moment in anyone’s life. Whether it’s your first wedding, or whether you’ve been married before, pledging your lifelong love to another person is hugely significant, and something that we take very seriously in every culture across the world. That’s why it’s usual to have a big celebration – because love and unity and the formation of a new family is very much worth celebrating, with the people dearest to us by our sides.
So when the woman in this story was getting married, she planned her wedding with those loved ones in mind. Specifically, she chose a venue that was much easier for her elderly grandparents to get to, since their presence at her special day was very important to her. But as the days ticked down, it became increasingly clear that one important person would not be by her side on her wedding day.
Read on to find out why.
AITA for resenting my grandmother for choosing not to attend my wedding?
I (26, female) got married to my husband (27, male) last year.
We had a small intimate wedding with close friends and family in BC so that my two grandmothers could attend more easily as they both are starting to have mobility issues.
My one grandmother (my mom’s mom) we will call Grandma, and my dad’s mom we will call Gramma.
Let’s find out more about this family.
My sister and I would spend every summer visiting our grandparents when we were growing up and were quite close with our Grandma and Papa, as well as Gramma. That is, until 2017 when Papa passed away.
To make an incredibly long story short, I am not really close with my mom’s side of the family after his funeral. This includes a fight with my aunts and my mom, which resulted in my mom getting slapped by my aunt the night before his funeral.
This also had put a bit of a strain on my relationship with Grandma as we live about sixteen hours away and couldn’t visit as often as we would have liked. Our phone calls on birthdays and christmas changed to texts only.
Whenever she talks to me or my sister it’s just to rave about our cousins and it doesn’t seem like she is interested in our lives.
Regardless, she was looking forward to having both of her grandmothers at her wedding.
My husband and I visited with Grandma about three months before our wedding, and she said that she could not wait and that she was very excited for the wedding.
But I found out from my mother two days before the wedding that she would not be attending, and I was absolutely devastated as a huge part of the reason we had the wedding when and where we did was so that she could attend.
My mom had told me that she refused to fly, my sister offered to pick her up on her way down and was also refused, and my mom had even asked if my aunt could drive her to the ferry which would have been about a four hour drive (and yes I know that is a long drive).
All of this was refused. Grandma texted me herself to let me know she wasn’t coming the morning of the wedding, apologized and mentioned about also missing her hair appointment and that she asked my mom to video the wedding.
But it turned out there was more to her not coming than was explained.
I found out from my mom afterwards that one of my cousins was going to be home the same weekend as my wedding after being away for school.
I messaged my grandmother a few weeks after the wedding and explained how her choice was very upsetting to me, and how devastated I was.
I also told her how I felt that she had chosen my cousins over me since she attended their life changing events and that I felt like she didn’t want to be a part of my life.
I also told her that I was tired of always understanding and I didn’t want to have to understand anymore, and that I wasn’t sure if it was something I could move past.
Let’s see what happened when Grandma responded.
She didn’t respond until Christmas, and she told me that she was very hurt by my message which hadn’t been my intention as that is why I waited a few weeks.
She didn’t offer me an apology, and at this point I know I am not going to get one. I barely talk to her, less than before.
A few people have told me that I might regret not forgiving her and that I should try to repair our relationship before it’s too late. But to be fair, she hasn’t reached out since either.
Am I wrong for still being so hurt over this almost a year later?
AITA?
It’s totally understandable that she was disappointed not to have both her grandmothers at her wedding, especially since she chose to get married closer to home for their convenience.
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But to assume that Grandma stayed home because one of her cousins was home for the weekend is unfair, as she has no evidence that this was why her grandmother chose not to attend.
Honestly, this is a drama that would have probably been sorted by now if it wasn’t for the poor communication on both sides.
Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.
This person understood why she was upset.
While others thought she should consider whether mobility or health factors might have impacted her grandmother’s decision.
This person thought she was wrong for the way she reacted.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who refuses to change her 4th of July traditions for her in-laws, sparking a family feud.
While this Redditor thought both grandmother and granddaughter were to blame for their poor communication.
For the bride, her wedding day was the most important day, so it’s completely understandable that she wanted both of her grandmothers to be there – and was disappointed when not only did her Grandma not show, but she didn’t tell her until the day of the wedding, when clearly she’d already decided she wasn’t going. For the news to be passed on by her mom, and to learn that she had refused all help to attend, must have really sucked.
However, when she heard that one of the cousins was home for the weekend, she’d jumped to conclusions, and that’s not fair on Grandma. After all, there might have been more factors affecting her nonattendance – maybe she was struggling with her health or mobility, perhaps she was still struggling with grief over the loss of her own husband. Sure, these factors wouldn’t stop a lot of grandparents from being there on their granddaughter’s special day, but any of these conclusions can only be drawn after speaking to Grandma, which sadly hasn’t happened yet.
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