She Stepped Up to Cook for the Family During a Crisis—Only to Be Scolded for Her Culinary Effort
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Cooking dinner for the family every night can feel like a thankless job. Especially when the closest thing you get to a compliment is someone asking whether they’ll need barbecue sauce to make your food edible.
One woman has been handling almost all the cooking in her household since her stepmother was diagnosed with COPD earlier this year. Before that, her stepmother prepared most of the meals, but the woman regularly helped when needed.
Now, with four adults living under one roof, she’s wondering why she’s somehow become the household’s permanent chef.
Her stepbrother handles physically demanding outdoor chores, while her father contributes to other household tasks. But when it comes to planning and preparing dinner, the responsibility falls almost entirely on her.
She had been managing the arrangement until one evening when she decided to try a new recipe.
Her father’s reaction wasn’t exactly encouraging.
And what started as an argument over an unappreciated meal quickly turned into a much bigger disagreement about who should be responsible for feeding the family—and whether cooking is automatically women’s work.
AITA FOR INSISTING THAT MEAL PLANNING AND PREPARATION SHOULD BE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERY HOUSEHOLD MEMBER ON A ROTATING SCHEDULE
I got into an argument with my Dad and stepmother tonight that has me wondering if I was the a*****e in the situation, or if they just aren’t listening to me.
My stepmother was diagnosed with COPD in January. Full disclosure-she did most of the cooking beforehand, although I helped when asked. I am the ONLY one of the people in the household who did help in the kitchen.
My stepbrother does the yardwork and snow shoveling (I can’t do that level of physical work as I have Cerebral Palsy, my mobility in my legs is limited).
Fair enough.
When my stepmother was diagnosed, I started cooking 95% of all dinners. The other 5% are takeout or leftovers.
My dad, for his part in this, putters. He complains any time he has to do anything domestic, but he does regularly sweep, empty the fridge, etc(this is what I can verifiably remember him doing). He swears he does way more.
What happened tonight is that I cooked a meal that had a main dish that I had never cooked before. I was ok until my dad came in and asked me what was in the dish(fair) and if he was going to need to mask the flavour.
Oh dear.
I didn’t take the last part of that comment well. I essentially told both my dad and my stepmother that I didn’t feel it was warranted. He could have grabbed barbecue sauce and not said anything if it was that bad(it wasn’t, he admitted it).
My stepmother told me I needed to grow a thicker skin. I went to go to bed, my dad called me out on the fact that I was angry. I told him he could have said thank you for cooking before insinuating that he wasn’t going to like the food.
At that point, he told me he’d ask me the ingredients and made the comment he made basically because he didn’t like the smell.
How frustrating.
At that point I was so annoyed and upset that I went for a walk around the block.
I came back to my stepmother asking me to talk. Long story short, she tried to tell me that the cooking should be done by the women in the household.
I cut her off explaining the reasoning for that, though I suspect that it might have something to do with my stepbrother taking care of the grass-cutting/snow shovelling, not sure my dad’s excuse(it was explained later on), it was just essentially he doesn’t think he should half to?!
Wow.
I did get a little loud and a little heated, bc this is NOT the first time that I have had this argument.
I said there are 4 grown adults (I pay rent, and my own bills, I will also chip in towards groceries), realistically it makes sense that meals should be split up.
I know I have missed details, I feel like things aren’t fully in chronological order, and I willing to clarify things if needed.
Totally.
Also, I know I’m a grown adult living with my parents. That’s why I pay rent etc. It’s reduced rent, but still rent(room&board).
My(full-time) job does not pay enough to allow me to move out. This is all I will say on THIS subject.
I ask you to keep comment and questions to the subject of the post, please.
Taking over the cooking while her stepmother manages a chronic illness is a generous contribution to the household. But that doesn’t mean the responsibility should automatically become hers indefinitely, particularly when she’s also working full-time, paying rent and contributing toward groceries.
Her father’s comment about needing to disguise the flavor of dinner was unnecessarily rude. Even if he genuinely disliked the smell, criticizing a meal before tasting it isn’t a particularly effective way to thank someone who cooks for you almost every night.
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The stepmother’s insistence that cooking belongs to the women in the household is also difficult to defend. Being male doesn’t make someone incapable of planning dinner, preparing ingredients or learning a few basic recipes.
However, a perfectly equal rotating schedule might not account for everyone’s existing responsibilities. Her stepbrother already handles outdoor chores she physically cannot do, and her stepmother’s health may limit what she can manage. A fair arrangement doesn’t necessarily mean everyone performs identical tasks.
The more reasonable goal is to distribute household responsibilities in a way that reflects each person’s abilities, availability and contributions.
Her frustration is understandable, but the conversation would probably be more productive if it focused on creating a sustainable division of labor rather than insisting everyone cook the same number of nights.
After all, feeding four adults shouldn’t automatically become one person’s permanent responsibility simply because she’s the one willing to do it.
Most people on Reddit agree: NTA.
This person has a lot to say to Dad.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who is upset his parents bought his recovering sister a brand-new car but wouldn’t help him out with a used one.
This person has a suggestion.
Dad apparently doesn’t believe cooking is his job, but he certainly seems qualified to serve up unsolicited criticism.
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