Having a healthy work-life balance is important, but for many people, that is just not reality.

That is the case for the couple in this story, and it is causing a lot of problems not just at work, but especially at home.

The wife is feeling neglected even though she wants to be as supportive as possible. And, to make things worse, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

Read through the full story below and see what you think they should do.

My partner’s manufacturing job is destroying our lives

I don’t really have a question, or any real point to posting this except screaming into the void of how badly work has wrecked our lives.

Life can be hard sometimes. Let’s see what’s going on.

I don’t know what I’m looking for on advice other than how the heck do I keep going. Again, I don’t know. Maybe I just need to get it out there with people who understand?

My spouse/partner(early 30s) and I (late 30s) have been together the better part of a decade, married for a few years. We’d already been through the ringer, but at least we had each other.

Why would you need to be on call for a manufacturing job?

6 months into our marriage, their mid-level manufacturing job took a serious turn for the worse. My partner spent at least 6 months being on call 24/7. That was in early ’23, and it almost wrecked ​us.

They finally got a new boss. He seemed to be sympathetic to work/life balance. But then that basically went out the window. That boss had to leave last year because his wife gave him an ultimatum: “I’m moving back home to (home state). You can come with or you can stay here with this job.”

Is he looking for another job?

Which sums up the work/life balance fairly well I think. To make it a little clearer how insane the toll is – there have been 4 or 5 people in that position since my partner started working there in 2020. ​​

Another new boss, another round of promises that “it’ll get better, and if it doesn’t we’ll leave.” It hasn’t gotten any better. If anything, it’s gotten worse. And now the job market is even worse as well. So, we aren’t sure how to leave or if we even can until capitalism/society collapses I guess?

Yeah, this is not ok.

My partner’s team is supposed to “own” all processes of the machine. There are four people on this team. One for each section. So, they’re expected to basically be on call. All the time.

There’s no let up. ​There’s no reprieve. There’s no backup. It’s insane, it’s probably wildly against OSHA. They regularly work 18+ hour days 7 days in a row. And that’s just “what is expected & required of them”. How?!?!

There have to be some other jobs he can get.

My partner is beyond burnt out. We’re ​both exhausted, fighting all the time. There’s no energy for romance, for any kind of proper quality time. Our relationship gets thrown to the back burner constantly (which is a whole different post).

I’ve done everything I can to help, to support. I’m disabled, so there’s only so much I can do to help, which also infuriates me. And for myself, I try to keep myself busy with a side job I can handle, a writing project, etc.

I’ve made good friends here. I don’t want to leave. The job market is to the point where we are either stuck in the position we are in until the market fixes itself (so, never). Or we have to move and uproot again.

This couple is in a very difficult situation.

I’ve been moving my whole life. Neither of us want to leave. We don’t want to leave the house we’ve bought (to be honest, I don’t think we could even afford to sell & leave at this point).

We don’t want to leave the community we’ve found. But most importantly, I shouldn’t have to keep myself constantly distracted and build an entire life alone outside my marriage because I can’t have a relationship with my spouse due to work.

​They hardly ever get to participate in anything outside of work & the house, even when they want to. And when they do get to, they try but it’s obvious they are exhausted and shut down.

Nothing will change if they don’t change it.

If we want to stay here, we are trapped in this situation for the foreseeable future until something within a reasonable commute comes along that isn’t a massive paycut or 50%+ travel​.

So, I’m basically watching my partner work themselves to death because they are not allowed to set boundaries with work and there is no way out right now.

They’re scared to do much of anything to try and set boundaries, scared to have a “this job will kill me, or my marriage, or both, if we don’t change something” conversation with their boss, scared to try finding something else.

If they make six figures, they should be doing ok, unless they are in a high cost of living area.

Everything is on a razor thin margin. The pay is bad, too. Doesn’t pay nearly enough for all of this. We just hit 6 figures and we are still living paycheck to paycheck with a shoestring budget.

There’s no real money for anything that would help us catch our breath. Or even allow some fun to blow off steam. Which is why I got the side job, but my hours keep getting cut and the pay is also horrible.

Medical insurance is important.

​They are so stressed that if we go even a dollar over budget, they start freaking out. So, there’s barely any fun money, no room for spontaneity, no room for date night. The only good thing is the insurance, I guess.

It gets us $5 therapy sessions, which we obviously need, and very affordable treatments/medications. ​But that’s a poor trade off. ​

Well, this seems like terrible advice from her therapist.

I HATE this situation and I don’t see a feasible way out anytime soon. I’m exhausted. I miss my partner. It’s getting to the point that my own therapist is suggesting I stop expecting anything from my partner so I stop getting my hopes up.

What the heck? That’s not what a marriage is supposed to be like. I shouldn’t have to turn off my feelings for my own spouse just to get through this rough time.

Her frustration is understandable.

It’s been four years of a rough time. I’m sick of it. ​People say it has to get better, we just have to be patient, that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve stopped believing or even looking for the light. ​ We haven’t caught a break in years. And I’m also sick of being told “this is just how it is right now, you’re going to just have to keep sacrificing”.

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If they can’t make any changes, they can’t expect life to change.

NO. NO. WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE OUR MARRIAGE, OUR HEALTH, OUR HAPPINESS OUR LIVES FOR THIS. We’ve been miserable for years, and I’ve been desperately trying to dig us out if this hole, but my partner is too burnt out to help.

I feel like we are drowning faster and faster and there’s no way out. I don’t want to spend the rest of our younger years being so miserable and trapped we can’t experience any good in this life. ​

This is not how things should be.

The way things should be is almost not relevant. If neither she nor her partner can make a change, then they can’t expect anything to change. That being said, the frustration is completely understandable, and sometimes you just need to vent.

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything more helpful to say.

OSHA might be able to help, depending on the details.

It can be hard, but she should try to stay supportive.

This is very good information.

He might not be getting paid what he should be.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who thinks her daughter should have planned a whole two-week vacation around her needs.

Here is a commenter who says he should get on FMLA.

This couple needs to make some concrete plans on how to change their situation. Venting is one thing, but if they don’t make actual changes in their life, they will be in the same situation years down the road.