I think it’s safe to say one of the most soul crushing feelings in this life is the realization that someone in your life really doesn’t like you.

Even after knowing someone for years, there’s still a little part of you that wonders if maybe you just aren’t picking up on the signs; that maybe they really can’t stand you.

And if that fear eats away at you like it does the rest of us, you might want to skip this story.

Because heads up, guys. It’s brutal.

After this user declined her future sister-in-law’s invitation to be a bridesmaid and was asked for her reasoning, she simply said it was because the two of them weren’t friends!

Was she in the wrong, though? Check it out!

AITA for saying no to being my FSIL’s bridesmaid?

My (29F) brother (30M) Tom is getting married to Kim (30F) next spring.

I’ve always liked Kim for Tom, she’s supportive of him and kind, and she really appreciates and adores him, I’m very happy for them.

I’ve always found Kim a little excitable (?) for my taste.

That being said, I’m well aware my taste is irrelevant and I don’t see Kim that often as I’m a mom to a young child and I live abroad half the year.

With this context, I was very surprised to arrive home from a trip to find a “bridesmaid proposal” kit from Kim and a handwritten letter from Kim asking me to be one of her bridesmaids.

And while OP intended to respectfully decline her offer, life got in the way.

I planned to give her a call within a couple of days to let her know I wouldn’t be able to do it, citing a busy schedule and the demands of a toddler.

Unfortunately, my husband had a medical emergency the next day and I had to deal with an ungodly amount of admin for the next few days.

It slipped my mind until I was on my way to Tom and Kim’s engagement cocktail party at my parents’ house.

I wasn’t going to say anything about it to Kim that night, but the second I got there she said she was dying to introduce me to the other bridesmaids.

Honestly meeting them and hearing about all the activities further cemented my decision.

So, in the middle of her engagement party, OP tried to break the news gently to Kim.

I pulled Kim aside and told her that I wouldn’t be able to be a bridesmaid. She snapped, asking why.

At which point I calmly told her that while I didn’t appreciate her not respecting my answer, I didn’t have time to take part in the activities or dedicate any time to planning or helping her.

Kim tried to argue it with me, which drew the attention of some of her friends, so they were now listening in, and I again explained to her that I couldn’t do it.

And their argument, now attracting an audience, only got more heated.

Kim then snapped that that’s just an excuse, and I can make time for things when I want to for my friends.

She was referring to the fact that an employee of my husband got married last year and I planned and hosted their wedding.

At which point I said ‘Yes, but Kim, you and I are not friends’.

Something snapped and Kim began bawling, her intoxicated friends started swearing at me…it was a long night.

Not what you want to hear at a party celebrating you and your partner’s future together, but hey, at least she was honest.

Meanwhile, OP’s friends and family were split on whether her behavior was out of line.

There is no consensus on whether or not I’m a jerk for not doing it, responses range from whatever Kim’s friends were saying, to “Why did she even ask you” to everything in between.

Tom still wants me to change my mind because he says it would make his life easier.

But he also says he won’t hold it against me for not taking on the burden, and his opinion is obviously the most important here.

It’s not that I am holding out just to make his life complicated, I just really don’t feel that I can do this and even if I could, I really don’t want to.

AITA?

I know there were extenuating circumstances, but you couldn’t have told her before her ENGAGEMENT PARTY?

I feel like this whole situation could have been avoided if OP and Kim’s talk wasn’t A. in public, and B. fueled by alcohol.

Reddit was at a loss for words on this one, with many people thinking the behavior on both sides was pretty atrocious.

But other people thought OP was in the wrong for waiting so long to tell her, regardless of her husband’s emergency.

But some people thought since OP wasn’t planning on telling Kim at the party, that she was in the clear.

This user agreed, saying considering OP’s busy schedule, its not out of the question that she would just be too tired to respond.

But finally, most people seemed to think there was enough blame to go around, especially considering how rude OP was to Kim.

If OP had changed her wording even a little bit, this whole story could have ended differently.

Delivery is everything, people!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.