Friendships ebb and flow, and sometimes the people we thought would be in it for the long haul turn out to be short-timers.

Things can get awkward when all parties don’t seem to get the memo on how things have changed, which is what seems to have happened here.

And now, a rental reference hangs in the balance.

Let’s see what happened.

AITA for not giving a rental reference to my friend

Back story: I (37f) have a friend, A (24f).

We met at uni and became close friends.

A had a difficult home life and an abusive parent, so during second year I offered her the spare room in my house to live in rent free until she was on her feet.

Always nice to be sympathetic to someone’s difficult circumstances.

When she did get an income, I only charged minimal board that was less than 1/3 her income. It included everything but her own needs (toiletries etc).

Very generous landlord. Wish I had one!

We became extremely close and she was an integral part of my family.

When my husband and I separated, she was a fantastic support and was extremely close with my 2 children, M10 & M12 (both of whom attend boarding school).

They say friends are like chosen family…

We graduated together, and while I got a job in our field of study, she struggled.

Fast forward to end of 2024 when we both applied for an interstate job we both wanted and we were both accepted.

She almost seemed disappointed that I also got this job.

But this feels like a messed up reaction from family or friends.

We relocated, and since we got here, she has completely cut ties with me and has stopped talking to me completely.

I have tried to ask her if everything is ok but she has blown me off telling me she “can’t deal with me right now” or that I’m “making her feel like a bad friend.”

Whoa, that seems out of the blue.

So I have just given her space and left her be. If I’m honest, I feel extremely used.

She lived in my home as a member of my family for over 18 months, and it’s almost like now she doesn’t need cheap rent, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

But I have since been getting calls for rental references for her, in which she has been telling realtors that she rented a house from me and was paying significantly more than she was.

And now the friend is lying too?

She hasn’t asked me if this would be ok with me or even told me she was doing it.

I have since given honest references, explaining the living situation she was in.

I was also honest in saying she damaged property and failed to keep her bathroom clean or contribute to cleaning communal living areas.

She has terrible credit and no rental history and is struggling to find a rental property (I already have one).

Sounds like a her problem, and not your problem.

AITA for not lying for a rental reference for her?

I feel bad, but at the same time, I think that if I’m not good enough to talk to or acknowledge, then I’m not obligated to do favors for her.

What do you think?

Is this friend being a jerk by being honest as a reference?

Let’s investigate the comments below.

This person says reframe the question and the answer is obvious.

This person says the ex-friend missed the memo.

Someone else says you should never be expected to lie.

Yet another user says no need to lie, but keep it profesh.

One comment says, block her altogether.

They say honesty is the best policy, and sometimes truth hurts.

That definitely seems to be the case here.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.