Shopping for a prom dress is almost like a rite of passage for a high school girl.

It’s fun to pick out the perfect dress.

In today’s story, the problem is that one teen girl didn’t want to go shopping with her stepmom.

They have a complicated and messed up history, so she deliberately didn’t go shopping with her stepmom even though her stepmom wanted to go.

Did she make the wrong decision?

Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AITA for not agreeing to go prom dress shopping with my dad’s wife aka stepmother aka the affair partner?

The background’s all kinds of messed up and messy so I’ll explain that first.

My mom was best friends with “Jen” since they were kids.

They met in 1st grade and were inseparable after that point.

My mom and dad met in college and got married a couple of years after they graduated.

I was born a year into their marriage.

After mom had me Jen had two kids and she was single so my mom would help her out.

Turns out she has half siblings.

But then when I was 5ish my mom found out dad was the father of Jen’s kids and that they’d been having an affair for who knows how long.

My mom divorced my dad.

My dad didn’t want to divorce my mom.

My mom also ended her friendship with Jen and hated her even more than my dad.

She felt like Jen should’ve been one of the people she could trust most in the world and Jen shattered that.

Her mom’s family understandably didn’t like Jen.

My dad and Jen had a rocky start to their official relationship because my dad didn’t want mom to divorce him and he tried to get her back.

My mom’s family hated Jen and my dad for what they did and Jen most of all because they had known her since she was a kid and had treated her like another daughter/sister within the family.

They went from all being close to they would ignore Jen even if she tried talking to them.

Her dad’s family was understandably mad at him.

My dad’s family never forgave dad for destroying his marriage to mom.

They really loved mom and had bonded with me but not my dad and Jen’s sons.

So for them it wasn’t some great thing yay more grandkids because they knew it messed with my life.

That meant there was some tension between them and Jen because Jen expected them to be excited from the start.

It gets worse.

My mom died when I was 10 because of a blood clot.

So I went to live with my dad and Jen and because of the bad blood they kept me away from my maternal side of the family.

I didn’t get to see my paternal side for the most part because of Jen’s issues with them.

A couple of years after mom died Jen and my dad were expecting another baby (their fifth) but she died while Jen was pregnant.

Jen has a lot of nerve to think her mom’s family would ever be there for her.

Jen wanted my mom’s family to be there for her since she wasn’t super close to her own family and growing up mom’s family had felt like hers.

But they shunned her again and according to Jen they felt she deserved it because she hurt my mom.

That’s what Jen says they told her anyway.

Could be true.

Could be lies because she wanted me to pity/side with her.

Jen wanted to be close with her.

When I lived with my dad and Jen, before and after mom died, Jen tried to keep a good relationship with me because she was Auntie Jen before mom found out she sleeping with dad.

She tried to be my second mom.

And because I was the only (living) girl it meant Jen was more desperate for some girly time with me.

I went along with it sometimes but I always felt gross being around her.

She wasn’t too close with Jen or her dad.

I know my mom would have never wanted me to love Jen like Jen wanted me to love her.

And I didn’t like that Jen’s part in hurting my mom and making my life harder.

So I tolerated her but I didn’t get close to her like she wanted.

My relationship with dad was always weird too.

I know he loved me and he acted like a good dad.

But I could never get over the mess he made of our lives.

It made me lose respect for him.

This sounds like a smart decision.

So I moved out a few months ago.

I’m still 17 but I made the excuse that the boys could all have their own rooms and it made sense and I just left and moved in with my maternal grandparents.

That’s where I live right now.

The problem involves prom.

Anyway, onto the problem of whether I’m TA or not.

Jen always said she wanted to take me shopping for prom and when I lived with her and dad I never said no.

She talked about it some more after I moved out.

But in December I told her I wasn’t going with her and I told her I was going with friends so she’d freak less.

Then I messed up and posted on Insta which I didn’t know she followed me on and she was pretty mad about it.

She went shopping with more than just her friends.

My friends were there too but so were my grandma and two of my aunts.

Jen was mad so I didn’t answer her calls or read her texts.

But then dad called and tore me a new one for doing that to Jen when I knew how much it meant to her.

He told me she’s suffered enough and to punish her more isn’t healthy.

Then he told me I should love her and that I should realize my mom and all my extended family failed me because I could’ve had a happy family with him and Jen but their bitterness made sure it would never happen.

And he said it’s about time I accept it.

AITA?

Jen and her dad are the only ones who messed up here.

She can go prom dress shopping with whoever she wants.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted.

These are two very good points.

She didn’t do anything wrong.

They’re trying to make her feel guilty.

Her dad doesn’t care about her happiness.

Here’s a suggestion of what to say to her dad.

I’m surprised she even takes their calls.

This is all super messed up.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.