I’ve never actually been in the room during a birth, but I’ve been just outside the room, and even that is enough to know it can be an incredibly chaotic and tumultuous environment.

Which is why, generally speaking, they don’t encourage a bunch of extra people to be in there.

But what if the parent really WANTS you in there?

Is it okay to say no?

Let’s see what’s going on between these two sisters.

AITA for refusing to be at my sister’s birth?

So I (19F) and my sister (19F) are twin sisters, we have been close for a very long time and spent our whole lives together.

Back in October she informed me that her and her boyfriend were having a baby together.

I was incredibly happy for her and both our parents have been really supportive.

She’s been feeling pretty crappy during the pregnancy but it was nothing out of the ordinary.

There’s a complicating factor here:

It’s now I would like to mention that she and I both have autism.

She struggles more socially while I struggle more with sensory issues like hating loud noises, textures and bright lights.

We always connected because of that and we felt like the other understood us when nobody else did, which is why I was shocked when we started arguing.

Then some renegotiation:

See, she told me that she wanted me to be in the delivery room with her while she was giving birth.

I was honored of course but told her that I don’t think I would be able to.

Hospitals are really loud places, and I know there would be a lot of screaming during the delivery, I know that if I were to be there, I would end up having a meltdown and making the birth experience a lot more stressful than it needed to be.

I told her this, but said that I would happily wait to see her after the baby’s born.

She knew her sister wasn’t happy about this.

She said that it was fine but I knew she wasn’t.

I kept prodding and asking her to tell me how she really feels.

And she told me that she was really hurt that I wouldn’t be in the room with her, and that I was being selfish by not being there.

And now people are feeling hurt.

This actually made me really upset as I thought she would be more understanding because of the connection I mentioned earlier.

I told her that just because she can handle the environment despite her autism doesn’t mean I would be able to as well, and that this moment would probably be better if it was just her and her boyfriend anyway.

She then tried to butter me up I assume, by saying that my presence there would be so helpful, and that I should just try and bring noise-cancelling headphones with me.

I know that won’t be enough as it’s not just the noise, but the environment, the general vibe and unpredictability.

So, what’s the right path forward?

Our parents are asking me to be a bit more understanding of my sister, that she’s going to be a first time mum and I’m her biggest support.

But I know that if I go I would ruin both her and her boyfriend’s first experience of childbirth.

It sounds like she’s self aware and making the right decision. Her sister needs to accept that.

Let’s see what the comments say on Reddit:

You aren’t required to be there.

But also, if you didn’t want to know, maybe don’t ask.

Maybe you could be at the hospital, even if not in the room the whole time?

Here’s hoping that when the day comes, all is safe and happy.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.