For a baker-turned-delivery person, the biggest obstacles in the workday became nine flights of stairs and one stubborn security guard.

But with the right blend of timing, confidence, and help from a wise-cracking lawyer, they turned a no-parking zone into the fastest corporate promotion in human history!

You’ll want to read on for this one.

The day I was hired and fired by a law firm.

So this is about five years ago. I worked as a chef at a bakery. It was my job to make everything but the baked goods.

Every morning, the baker and I would walk in at about 4 AM and knock out all the food needed for the day. This would leave me ready to go home around 10 AM or so. This put us at the perfect time to deliver online orders.

It was common for companies or other entities to place large catering orders with us. The baker and I would split them down the middle and deliver them on our way home.

One morning, they got a large order from a law firm.

The delivery in question was for Bob, Dick, and Harry, Attorneys at Law. I had never delivered to BD&H before, but they were a regular of sorts.

Every financial quarter, they would hold a huge meeting. This meeting would require roughly $700 of bagels and bagel accessories. This spread included eight dozen bagels, all ten of our flavors of cream cheese, pastries, brownies, and enough coffee to power a college dorm through finals week.

So the baker got to work with the delivery.

My passenger seat, entire back seat, and entire trunk were filled with food.

Now, BD&H is located on the ninth floor of a commercial skyscraper deep in an industrial complex downtown.

They soon ran into trouble parking.

Parking was non-existent.

There were meters outside the building, but I knew I would need close to ten trips to deliver all this food, and I didn’t have a lot of change on me.

Company policy was to just pay whatever fines I needed to park and then turn in my receipts. The money would end up on my next paycheck.

Just when they thought they found a solution, they were thwarted by security.

So, the building has its own parking garage, so I pull on in.

The security guard, let’s call him Sam, stops me and says that the parking garage is for employees only.

I happily show him my delivery invoice and offer him a bribery bagel (never leave the store without at least two).

Sam refuses the bagel and says I can park in one of the guest spots on the bottom floor. The fee is $5 for every 30 minutes, minimum $10.

But when they go to check it out, they discover this won’t work either.

I thank him and head to the bottom floor of the garage.

So, there are a total of six guest parking spaces. Just six. All of them are taken.

Then they find an alternative.

I head back up to talk to Sam, when I see an open parking spot reserved for Bob, Dick, and Harry, Attorneys at Law. There are cars in every spot, with many spots being reserved for employees by name. The last spot is empty and is reserved for “Guest of BD&H.”

Perfect. I pull on in.

I grab the most important part of the delivery (the coffee) and head to the stairwell. I get into the elevator and hit the button for floor nine.

The elevator asks for my employee ID card. Well… crud.

So, I try the lobby. That works.

They finally start to make some progress when they see the security guard making trouble at the front desk.

From there, it’s nine flights of stairs until I am outside the law firm of Bob, Dick, and Harry.

After introducing myself, I am shown to the room where the meeting will take place. A table is set aside for me. I set down the coffee and head for trip number two.

That is when I see Sam talking to the receptionist. He runs over and starts shouting at me. “I am putting a boot on your car. I told you to park in guest on the bottom floor!”

Just as the guard starts laying into them, someone else joins the conversation.

I don’t get a word in before he launches into a speech about security and how I could be hurting his building or people.

That is when a very well-dressed man walks over. It so happens to be Bob, the Bob of Bob, Dick, and Harry’s.

Bob asks what the problem is and soon the two are arguing.

The attorney defends the delivery driver, but the guard continues to argue.

Bob: “OP is delivering food for my meeting. He is allowed to use my parking spots.”

Sam: “Those parking spots belong to the building. You are leasing them like you lease this floor. I am the one who says who can park there. He isn’t an employee, so he isn’t parking!”

So the attorney decides to take an unorthodox appraoch.

Bob: “Then I am making him an employee!”

Sam: “You can’t do that!”

Bob: “… … … You know what? You are right. Harry! Harry! Get over here.”

Harry walks over with an amused look on his face.

Time to get HR involved!

Bob: “Harry here is the head of our HR department. Harry, hire this boy.”

Harry pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles, “OP is now a member of Bob, Dick, and Harry’s” and signs it, then asks me to sign as well. I do so.

Bob reaches over to the receptionist, who is already grabbing some things.

Now time to get the show on the road.

Bob: “Here is your employee badge, your PARKING PERMIT, and your elevator key card. Now please, do the job I have HIRED you to do, and deliver my bagels.”

Sam looks on in utter fury as I ride the elevator down to my car.

Seven sweet, sweet elevator rides later, all the food is delivered. Bob and Harry meet me at the table.

The “employment” ended pretty much as quickly as it started.

Bob: “OP, you have made great strides in this company and I am proud of your work, but I feel it is time for us to part ways. Here is your final check.”

Bob then hands me a crisp $50 bill.

Harry: “And your severance package. Now please be sure to return your badge and card on the way out.”

Time for one last interaction with the guard!

Harry hands me $20 and sends me on my way. The receptionist is sure to validate the parking ticket that Sam gave me, and I head on out.

On the way out, Sam grins at me and asks for my ticket. I place it in the machine at his station.

It sees the validation I got and lets me out for free. Sam glares at me as I drive off into the… late morning sun.

Take that, Sam!

Reddit is sure to get a kick out of this amusing story.

This story is now officially lawyer-approved.

Time to start clearing off a spot on the ol’ resume!

You know what they say about lawyers.

This story is just about as entertaining as it gets.

They came, they climbed, they caffeinated — and then they cashed out.

If you liked that story, check out this post about an oblivious CEO who tells a web developer to “act his wage”… and it results in 30% of the workforce being laid off.