When you are young and have a crush on someone, it can be very difficult if they are already dating someone else.

What would you do if the girl you liked started dating your brother because she didn’t know you liked her?

That is what happened to the young man in this story, and now things are awkward and difficult for him at home.

AITA for distancing myself from my brother and female best friend after they started dating?

I (22M) have a brother (20M) David, and a female best friend (21F) Mary.

Family and friends are so important.

I’ve known Mary since we were kids. She was my neighbour in the apartment that we lived in.

Our families were close and my parents would take care of her on days when her parents worked til late.

That is pretty normal.

For most of my life, I saw Mary as nothing more than a neighbour and female friend.

We had similar interests but we only got along because she was “forced” to be around me.

This type of thing can be difficult, but it happens.

In her final year of secondary school, I developed feelings for her and wanted to confess but didn’t because I didn’t want to distract her from her final year exams.

Afterwards, she enrolled to junior college. Unfortunately, she did not do well in her year 1 promotional exams and had to redo that year.

It must have been difficult to have to go away.

Meanwhile I completed my junior college smoothly and enlisted a few months later as they country we live in has mandatory conscription for males.

David and Mary became closer to each other during his first year as they were in the same class and same after school club.

I can see where this is going.

Prior to this, David did not give Mary any special attention. The three of us and our other siblings hung out together. They became much closer as during this time, I had limited access to my phone and could not message her frequently.

On the day I completed my basic training and returned home for a week break, during my celebration thrown by my parents, I learned that they had begun dating.

This type of thing can be very painful.

Apparently, it had been a month. I was bitter and heartbroken, but quickly moved on. We definitely had drifted apart during my time in army.

I did not tell her or my brother how i felt because i didnt want to make things awkward and ruin the friendship.

They are being nice to him, not knowing that it is hurting.

About 3 months into their relationship, I started to get annoyed. I don’t share a room with my brother, but they always asked me to hangout with them on weekends when I was out of camp.

Only problem was that they were always flirting infront of me. I admit I was jealous but even when we were hanging out together, I was always third wheeling them.

He is doing the right thing.

I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t want to ruin their fun.

Luckily, I didn’t see this for the rest of my enlistment as the place I went and role I got required weekend committments, on weekdays I’d be home alone as both of them were working part time.

It sounds like he was distancing himself because of his job.

My brother started to accuse me of distancing myself from them 1 year into my enlistment, because I did not invite her to any of my milestones that could invite family or friends to witness.

I did not invite her not cuz I was jealous, but because I had a limited number of tickets. She herself didn’t mind as she was also busy, but for some reason, it was hard for me to convince my brother.

The brother has made things awkward.

Eventually, I stopped responding to his accusations and he also never brought it up.

Now here comes the problem. It’s been months since I completed my service and they have not changed.

Their relationship is progressing.

In fact they’re even more lovey dovey now. I was starting to get more irritated. Previously, I only saw them having small moments like kissing and cuddling each other.

Now, for some reason, they aren’t going out and are always hanging out at home. And they still flirt in front of me, and even my parents.

Distance may be the best thing at this point.

So my solution was that I would go out with my friends every weekend until the evening, then I’d come back. By then she was gone.

A few days ago, they were celebrating their anniversary and they did so by treating both of our families to a nice meal.

Is he sure it is not because he was jealous?

I declined the invite, not because I was jealous but because I had already made plans, about a month prior.

I had booked a chalet with my friends for a party and I was not gonna miss it since I had chipped in. My brother told me about his celebration the day before I went and we had an argument.

He had a very valid excuse.

He said that I was selfish for not wanting to celebrate their occasion with him as he invited both our families and wanted everybody there.

I calmly explained that he told me so late and I can’t possibly bail on my friends since we had paid for everything, such as the booking fees and the food.

Well, the brother isn’t exactly wrong.

He then accused me of being jealous of their relationship and that I was using this as a way to avoid being near them.

He brought up the fact that I was hardly home on weekends and spoke few words to Mary whenever I saw her around.

Now he is just being cruel.

I reiterated my earlier statement but this time he started rubbing in my face about how I was jealous of him and that he “stole my girl”.

Mind you, I never told him that I liked her. He only said that because she was closer to me at first, but over the past 3 years they became closer.

Overreacting may be the worst thing to do in this situation.

I snapped and told him that it was a baseless statement and that I’m not jealous of him if his biggest achievement is dating my female best friend.

He got angry and started yelling at me, after which I told him to shut up and I left the house.

Of course, Mary will take his side.

Later, I got a text from Mary, calling me a jerk for being mean to my brother because I rubbed my achivements in his face?

I never mentioned my achievements explicitly but Im guessing the reason why she said this is because I did much better for my A Levels than he and Mary did.

Everyone has their own insecurities.

Apparently, he was feeling insecure and felt overshadowed by me and my comment really stung. I told Mary about losing money and not wanting to bail on my friends, but she refused to hear it and blocked me.

My parents are staying out of it and they think that we’re both out of line, but my they think that I was a bigger jerk, not because I “rubbed my achievements in his face” but for not wanting to spend time with him/family.

He is an adult, there is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends.

They said that I had been socialising with my friends way too much, which I agree is fair.

The thing I don’t understand is why was he so insistent on wanting me there? When they first started dating, they told me they were a quite shy of flirting in front of others.

They are being weird about it.

I’ve given them the space to act lovey dovey around each other but somehow that’s not enough and that somehow makes me jealous?

Keep in mind I’ve never complained about them flirting infront of me for the past two years.

AITA?

This is just a weird family situation, though I do think he is making more decisions based on his desires for Mary than he thinks.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about this situation.

Unfortunately, this seems true.

I think this commenter is right.

He should do what is right for himself.

His brother is being weird.

This person says to just hang with his chosen family.

He needs to find a way past this awkwardness.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.