There’s a common belief that families should forgive and forget. But for some, it’s not that easy.

This man spent much of his childhood dealing with a stepfather he describes as cruel and openly unkind to him and his brothers.

Years later, he has built a life with his husband and is preparing to celebrate his adopted son’s birthday.

The only problem is that some family members think he should invite the same stepfather he worked so hard to leave behind.

Now, he’s not sure whether to invite him to save the peace or stick to his decision and deal with the fallout.

Keep reading to see what you think he should do.

AITA For not inviting my mean step-dad to my sons bday

My mom married my step-dad when I was an infant. She worked and had rose-colored glasses, so she missed that he was kind to his 5 kids (my half-siblings) and horrible to me and my 2 older brothers (unkind, refusing visits with my dad, public humiliation, denying dinner, etc.).

We have come a far way since then. My mom got her stuff together and divorced him, but they still live together as they own a house, and he can’t support himself.

I always agreed with my brothers that our kids wouldn’t have any prolonged contact with him.

Now, some people don’t want to come.

I (36m) and my husband (41m) have been married for 4 years, and he has mostly avoided events we are at, as he is **********. But we host Christmas Eve now, and he comes over and avoids us.

We are adopting a kid, and his birthday happens to be Father’s Day this year. So, we are hosting his birthday and invited my mom, siblings, and his cousins, but specifically not him. He’s not part of my life anymore, and my kid doesn’t know him.

My family says he’s older now (and has dementia), but that doesn’t erase his past or my desire to keep my child safe, in my eyes. They also say that I’m overreacting and it’s causing a rift and making others choose not to come.

AITA?

Wow! It’s easy to see why he doesn’t want the man there, but it might be required for peace.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.

Let’s see what advice the fine folks over at Reddit can offer.

This reader thinks it’s his choice.

For this person, keeping him away is the right thing to do.

According to this comment, he’s an adult capable of making his own decision.

This one is simple enough.

The stepdad should have thought about all of this when he was deciding how to treat people.

After all, actions have consequences, and years of cruelty don’t simply disappear because time passes.

This father isn’t obligated to invite someone who made his childhood miserable, especially to a birthday party for a child who doesn’t even know him.

The only reason to even consider making an exception is if his mother serves as the stepdad’s primary caregiver and genuinely can’t attend without him. Otherwise, forget that guy. He made his choices a long time ago, and now he gets to live with them.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.