It can be hard to know when supporting someone means encouraging them and when it means telling them something they may not want to hear.

One woman reached that point after years of helping her lifelong best friend through one career change after another.

Most recently, her friend earned a master’s degree in library science but has struggled to actually land a job in the field.

After watching that happen, she finally told her that at 47, it might be time to think more about retirement and stability.

Now, her friend is hurt, and she’s wondering if she crossed a line.

Read on to see what you think about this whole thing.

AITA for telling my life long best friend that it is irresponsible to continue chasing a dream career?

I (47F) have been best friends with my bestie (also 47F) since we were both in middle school in the ’90s.

I’m married, with two kids, and she is in a long-term relationship of 15 years, not married, no kids.

Over the years, my priorities have shifted to ensuring my family is taken care of, and I am not chasing career dreams. Basically, I work to pay bills and put food on the table.

Her friend quit her career to chase other dreams.

The last five years, I feel like our friendship has become counseling sessions for advice on resume writing, job searches, cover letter writing, and how to handle interviews, which I have grown tired of.

My friend quit working as a speech pathologist, which she was very good at. She quit that position and started working at a hardware store, and has since gone through training for careers that are not in demand in our geographical area.

First, she trained as a service dog trainer, of which there are no jobs in our area, and she’d have to move to another state. She is unwilling to move because her mother is elderly and getting frail.

Unfortunately, her next plan didn’t work out well either.

She then enrolled in a Master’s program that was online through a major university to obtain a degree in Library Science, thinking that she would be able to easily step into a role as a librarian.

However, she has since discovered that she must score high on a state civil service exam and have years of experience, which she is having a very difficult time obtaining.

She’s had multiple interviews, sent out applications, resumes, and portfolios, to no avail. She’s taken our state’s civil service exam 3 times and scored low, despite the fact that she’s smart and hardworking. She is not eligible to take the civil service exam again until next year.

Now, her friend has a new plan.

Recently, she’s applied for a position at a local, globally known, highly respected university for a position as a captionist for deaf/hard-of-hearing students. This position would pay well, give her an excellent medical benefits package, and a retirement benefit.

I finally told her that at our age, it’s more responsible to consider our future for retirement than it is to continue to chase career dreams. Both of us have about 20 years left before being eligible for Social Security (assuming it is still available then).

I figure she has a right to be upset with me because she’s worked very hard to achieve a goal of being a librarian—but I regret not saying to her when she started applying for this Master’s program that she needed to consider how difficult it would be to obtain a job in a library.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see why she spoke up, but sometimes it’s easier to just stay quiet.

Let’s take a look at how the fine folks over at Reddit think she should’ve handled it.

This person isn’t sure what she was hoping to accomplish.

Yes, this does work for some people.

She definitely needs to dial it back.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a cashier and manager who came together to help a truck driver from another country.

According to this comment, she should stay quiet unless specifically asked.

This is a tough one because it sounds like she really was trying to help.

But still, there’s a difference between being realistic and telling someone they’re too old to keep chasing something they want.

Now, her friend may eventually decide that stability matters more, but that decision needs to be hers.

And after 34 years of friendship, she should probably just apologize because that’s a lot to throw away.