Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you have to go along with everything they want.

In the following story, we’ll meet a mom who realized this after being told her children weren’t allowed to attend their grandmother’s milestone birthday party.

Her father-in-law said the two oldest were too energetic, but never even mentioned her youngest son, who has significant medical needs.

Since she had no nursing coverage that day, she told her husband she wouldn’t be going either.

Unfortunately though, he wanted her to find care so she could attend anyway, even though their children weren’t welcome.

Read on to see exactly what she plans to do about this.

AITAH for refusing to attend my mother-in-law’s milestone birthday party after my father-in-law said my kids couldn’t come?

My father-in-law is throwing a party for my mother-in-law’s milestone birthday. It starts at 2 p.m. on a weekend afternoon. I have three boys — two in elementary school and a 5-year-old who is significantly disabled.

My FIL told my husband he didn’t want the older two there because they’re “too energetic.” The other grandchildren are all significantly older and are welcome.

He said nothing at all about our 5-year-old. Not “Sorry, it’ll be too much for him,” not a question about whether he could come. Just nothing. So that’s all three of my kids — either told no or not thought of.

Unfortunately, she can’t go anyway.

I also can’t go. Our youngest is tube-fed and has significant medical needs. His care requires a nurse, not a babysitter — someone trained on his equipment, his feeds, and what to do if something goes wrong.

I don’t have nursing coverage that day, and this isn’t the kind of thing where I can call a teenager down the street. There is no pool of qualified people sitting around waiting for a weekend afternoon shift.

I told my husband to let his father know I wouldn’t be there.

Apparently, her FIL think she needs to find a way to be there regardless.

His response was that we “really should work on finding a nurse and childcare” so I can go. He wants me to spend the next few weeks arranging skilled coverage so I can attend a party my children were excluded from.

I could technically bring all three of them for an hour and manage his care myself. I don’t want to.

I don’t want to walk my kids into a room where they’ve already been told they’re too much, and I don’t want to spend that hour doing medical care in a corner while everyone else has a party.

Sadly, that’s just how her husband’s family acts.

There’s other family history here. There’s another disabled family member on that side, and over the years, I’ve watched them handle it badly. I don’t think it’s malicious. I think they just don’t want to deal with it. That’s part of why the silence about my youngest landed the way it did.

My husband isn’t really arguing that his father was fair. His family is very image-conscious, and my absence will be noticed and talked about.

So I’m being asked to find skilled nursing and show up alone to a party my kids weren’t invited to — for appearances.

AITA?

Wowzers. That’s some way to act as a grandparent.

Let’s take a look at what the folks over at Reddit think she should do.

This reader thinks it’s all up to the husband.

Yet another reader who thinks the husband needs to take charge.

According tot his comment, it’s just not a child-friendly party.

Yes! And that last part is so true!

It sounds like she has it all figured out.

If there’s no one else who can care for her son, what is she supposed to do?

Her husband should be explaining that to his father instead of asking her to arrange care.

Hopefully, he comes to his senses before the party and stops putting so much pressure on her.