A Man’s Friend Got Upset When He Refused To Give Him Free Professional Advice, Even Though He Was Already Letting Him Stay At His Home
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When you work in a professional field of almost any type, friends will often want to ask for your expertise to get help with various things.
What would you do if you were a behavioral technician and your friend had a child with autism and his ex-wife had some questions?
That is the situation the guy in this story is in, but he refused to talk to the guy’s ex. When his friend came to visit for a few days, he got very upset that he wouldn’t give that professional advice, so he asked him to leave.
While setting boundaries is important, it isn’t clear why this guy didn’t want to try to help out. Read through the full story and see what you think he should have done.
AITA for telling my friend and his autistic/ADHD son to leave my apartment after he disrespected my boundaries?
I’m a 38F living with my 18-year-old son.
It is great that he is able to help his friend.
I’m also a Registered Behavior Technician (RBT), so people often ask me autism/ADHD questions. I’m fine answering as long as it stays within professional limits I’m comfortable with.
A 37M friend moving to my city asked if he and his 7-year-old autistic/ADHD son could stay with me for four days.
Why wouldn’t he be willing to answer her questions directly? That seems weird.
I agreed. While they stayed, things went missing and food my son and I bought kept disappearing without anyone asking.
Months earlier, he’d asked me to talk to his ex-wife because she had “questions” about their son. I declined getting involved between them, but said if she had questions related to my professional experience, she could relay them through him and I’d decide what I was comfortable answering.
His friend is out of line here.
During the stay, he brought it up again with the “she’s just a concerned mother” line. I repeated my boundary. He snapped: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? All you had to do was have a conversation and answer some questions!”
His son came running up behind me when he yelled. I didn’t escalate — just calmly said, “Don’t ever speak to me like that again. That’s rude and completely uncalled for,” then went to my room.
It doesn’t make sense why he wouldn’t even talk to her about this, though. Even if the friend is going about it poorly.
Later he came in and sat down like nothing happened. I asked if he thought that was okay. He doubled down, saying it was “just a conversation.”
I repeated my boundary and told him something I tell parents I work with: it’s not my job to tell them who their child is — that’s their job to learn.
His friend seems desperate for help.
He replied, “It doesn’t matter if we’re in your home or outside. I would’ve said the same thing to you.”
That was it for me. I texted him (he likes paper trails) that I needed my home and work life separate, my professional boundaries weren’t negotiable, and that he and his son needed to leave.
Ordering food is not the same as adding a few nights at a hotel.
He ignored it, then claimed a money issue — while ordering food to my house. He said he couldn’t leave for two more days, so I gave him that.
After leaving, he sent paragraphs saying he’d never put me and my son out over “a conversation” and that he was cussing in general, not at me.
He was being disrespectful, no doubt about that.
I told him it didn’t matter how he categorized it — he was still disrespectful in my home.
The next day he called while I was at work, talking slowly like I needed things spelled out.
Honestly, he doesn’t seem like much of a friend.
I let him finish, then said, “My boundaries are my boundaries. My no is my no. You don’t have to like it, but you will respect it.” Then I hung up and turned off my phone.
So… AITA?
He never really explained why he had a problem talking to the guy’s ex. Having boundaries is fine, but he seems to be going beyond what would be normal. That being said, his friend is also being a jerk.
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Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this situation.
Now this is just nuts.
He did want help from his friend, yes.
Here is someone who says they aren’t friends anymore.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who changed their minds about donated items, only to return to the shop to find them all sold.
Wow, this seems extreme.
This person thinks the ex should just go see a professional herself.
Setting boundaries is important, but it shouldn’t stop you from helping a friend.
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