Renter Is Already Unhappy About Her Roommate’s Boyfriend Spending More Time At Their Place, But A Major Boundary Violation Finally Pushes Her To Speak Up
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Shared homes only feel comfortable when everyone agrees about who can enter and when.
One roommate discovered that her friend’s boyfriend had been given keys and was spending hours alone in their apartment.
After a clear 30-minute limit was ignored, she calmly repeated the boundary and received a surprisingly hostile response.
Check out the spare key drama below.
AITA for not wanting my roommate’s boyfriend in our home unsupervised?
I am a 27-year-old woman, and I share an apartment with my friend (25, female). She has been dating her boyfriend since February.
In the beginning he would occasionally stay over (one or two nights per week) and she would sleep at his place once or twice per week.
But this summer they went on vacation together and they have been inseparable ever since.
They have dinner and spend the night together every single night, 50/50 at our place and his place (he owns a studio by himself about a 45-minute drive away). There is nothing in our lease about guests or key-usage by third parties.
Let’s see how her roommate’s relationship is affecting this woman’s life.
After the summer she told me she had given him spare keys because he finishes work a little bit earlier than she does, and it would be more practical if he can come here without having to wait thirty minutes.
I was not amused to say the least.
I had a conversation with her she has to communicate such things beforehand and that it really wasn’t cool because they were actually my keys (she thought they were spare keys for general usage).
We agreed it was alright if he had keys for those thirty minutes now and then if it would be more practical to let himself in, but that I didn’t want him unattended for prolonged periods of time because he is still a guest after all.
But this didn’t turn out as she’d hoped.
Fast forward to today, my roommate left to go to the gym, and five minutes later I heard her boyfriend come into our home and start cooking.
After a good two hours I came into the living room and noticed that my roommate still hadn’t returned. It was not the first time, so I felt like I was well within my right to set this boundary again. I calmly asked him if he was aware of the agreements about the keys, to which he said he wasn’t.
In the middle of that conversation my roommate returned. I calmly explained to the two of them that we made clear agreements, but that this was really pushing my limits and that I felt uncomfortable.
Two hours of him being here while she is out at the gym is not the thirty minutes that would be more practical with work-schedules. It is not what we agreed upon, I feel uncomfortable, please come up with a solution, that’s it.
All this was explained very calmly, with no raised voice, no unnecessary accusing, and no derailing from the topic.
Let’s see how the pair responded.
The two of them reacted in a way that was quite vicious. She said that she wasn’t aware I would take our agreement so literally, and that they didn’t see another solution (mind you, they made it work for five months before he had keys).
They said that they really didn’t see the problem, that he always stayed in her room if he was here so early (he wouldn’t have to stay in her room for two hours if they would stick to the agreements). Then they flipped the script on me, what I think would be a good solution, and how I would be if I had a boyfriend.
I calmly explained it is their relationship and their schedules, they should arrange something that fits all of our boundaries accordingly.
They finished by saying I am unreasonable for bringing it up and that they for sure would get back to me.
It has left quite a sour taste for me and now I’m not sure anymore if I’m not overreacting.
AITA?
There are clearly some compatibility issues between these two roommates, if this is an area of compromise that they are both unwilling to address.
She doesn’t want someone not on the lease in her home for prolonged periods, which is her prerogative. Her roommate wants her boyfriend to have access to her home while she’s not home, which is also fine, as long as her roommate agrees.
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Which she doesn’t.
Let’s see what the Reddit community thought of this situation.
This person thought that she was being completely reasonable.
While this person encouraged a sarcastic response.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a neighbor who sees the chance for revenge after a neighbor who refuses to share wifi needs help with a parking issue.
Meanwhile, others pointed out that it was time for these roommates to part ways.
This young woman reasonably agreed to brief key access, not hours of unsupervised time in her shared home.
Her roommate and boyfriend could adjust their schedules instead of treating a clearly stated boundary like an inconvenience.
Two apartments, yet her boundaries had nowhere to live.
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