In-laws are such a touchy subject for most people, and that’s because so many relationships are fraught with drama.

OP’s mother has had a hard life and, at this point, enjoys her peace and quiet. She doesn’t go out of her way to make friends, she doesn’t love conversation, she just wants to sit on her front porch and watch the world go by.

I have been married to my wife for two years and the best way to describe my mother is cold, she nots rude or anything it’s just disinterested in my wife.

The best way I can explain my mom is that she is tired. She had a really hard life, doesn’t have much affection left to give and she rarely gets close to anyone. It’s pure disinterest and she can’t bring herself to care about new people.

She’s a retired old lady that just want to sit on the porch not make small talk with people. I’ve explained this to my wife before and told my mothers story.

She also loves having family over and cooking for them, though, and her kids and grandkids understand her need for peace at times – usually when she goes onto the porch.

We had a little get together at my moms house. My mom doesn’t like it when people bring food, she works all day to make a spread and it’s like her thing. She just wants to provide for the guests.

My wife came from work and she brought food, potatoes salad. I stop her from bringing it in.

OP’s wife is desperate for her mother-in-law to like her, though, and so tried starting (and holding) a conversation with her on the porch. After several polite attempts to get her to shut up, OP’s mom asked him to get her away.

The whole night she is just bothering her when she was on the porch. Asking her if she wants to go on a shopping trip, when my mom asks for some quiet she still talks on.

When I was walking by she asked me to take my wife away from her. This made my wife upset but I did it since I could see mom was getting close to the end of her rope.

She asked for quiet with my wife since she was just going on for a while. My sister was out there and told me mom tried politer ways to ask for her to be quiet and it didn’t work.

Also the direct request didn’t work with my wife and she kept going.

OP did, and tried explaining again that his mother just wasn’t the type of woman who was going to love the daughter-in-law.

We had a talk in the care what that was all about, and she just wants to be loved by her MIL. She is being nice so she doesn’t get why she doesn’t like her.

I told her my mother will never love her and to just stop. What she is doing is actively making her dislike you and to leave the women alone. She called me a jerk and hasn’t spoken to me since.

Now his wife isn’t speaking to him and he’s wondering what he could have done differently.

Maybe Reddit will have some advice?

The top comment acknowledges that it must be hard for the wife, but that you have to let people be.

This person thinks it sounds like she hit the MIL lottery, honestly.

And this commenter says that speaking doesn’t determine the quality of a relationship.

But they also say OP might not be understanding how uncomfortable the situation is for his wife.

This person countered with the fact that the DIL is actively trying to get herself in uncomfortable situations.

A tough situation for sure.

I hope the DIL can find peace with leaving things the way they are, at least for now.