All of us have bodies that do things that we would prefer they didn’t. Mother nature can be a cruel mistress.

It’s mortifying when it happens at inopportune times.

But somehow this opportune time was also the perfect time.

Read on to see what happened.

I can’t leave? None of us can leave

When I was in high-school, I wasn’t very popular nor did I have a lot of friends.

I was picked on and bullied quite a bit for being chubby, especially by the people in my grade and classes.

So when I badly needed to fart at our big exam at the end of our final year, I didn’t mind that I wasn’t allowed to leave.

The events that followed were so epic that they inspired the poetry that follows.

This was not something that could be contained. I doubt it was even from this world.

I leaned forward, lifted my *** off the chair and unleashed the biggest, loaded fart of my life.

My gas had the pungent aroma of 7 day old Texas road kill left in the sun and marinated in a finely aged cream, garnished with straight sewage.

Everyone started coughing, hacking, making disgusted sounds and trying to get up. I fondly remember one person saying “MY EYES!”

Again, the principals told everyone they couldn’t leave.

I was crying with silent laughter while the principals were desperately opening doors and windows, but it didn’t help.

I moved and never saw them again, but I’ll always remember the principals gagging while trying to waft the fumes out with an open-close motion with the doors.

Let’s see what people had to say.

Aim high, my friend.

A literal bang. I’m glad it resonated with this person.

I love the solidarity.

It’s a good question. Seriously, this is inhumane.

It’s just a step lower than prom king.

This was so epic it was poetic.

If you liked that post, check this one about a guy who got revenge on his condo by making his own Christmas light rules.