Living with family can be complicated especially when you don’t own the home but are paying for the repairs.

That’s how today’s story starts, but it gets worse as time goes on.

Let’s see how the story plays out…

AITA for refusing to go to a meal with my Father in Law because I can’t forgive him for ripping us off?

Wife (34f) and I (36f) have been together 11 years, married for 6.

A few years into our relationship my father in law and we came to the conclusion that it would be better all round if we moved into his house when he moved in with his new girlfriend.

We decided that we would like to buy the house and he was up for it, but we couldn’t get a mortgage so we came to an unofficial agreement that we would cover the mortgage each month and save up for a larger deposit to pay him, and continue to cover the mortgage for the next 15 years until it was paid off, and the deeds would transfer to us.

OP and his wife put a lot of work into the house.

We moved on and replaced carpets, replaced the roof, installed a brand new bathroom, retiled the kitchen, put a new lawn out the back and replaced some blown windows as well as other general upkeep that a homeowner is supposed to do.

While we lived at the house we never asked FIL to fix anything, we even fixed mould when we moved in.

In all, we invested over £5000 into the house.

OP’s father-in-law asked for more money.

We were settled, had two dogs and a cat and had just had a baby when he text my wife out of the blue one day to tell us that ‘rent was going up because [he] had more expenses’ and it ‘wasn’t up for discussion’.

The mortgage payments hadn’t changed, he was increasing what we pay due to him needing more to meet his cost of living.

We knew this wasn’t fair- our son was a few weeks old. We had nothing spare from our income but we bit it for a few months – then my contract at work ended.

We decided to move out little family back to my home country and this took months and a lot of expense.

They left on bad terms with the FIL.

The FIL demanded we put the house back to how he left it and I nearly ripped the roof off the house.

He wanted holes filled in where we had put pictures on the walls or hung the tv.

We parted on bad terms because he refused to acknowledge the money we put into the house or pay us any back- and we had to accept it because we had nothing in writing.

It really hurt my wife and I.

OP’s FIL sold the house!

A few months after we moved I got an alert to say a house in my area was for sale- it was our house, he put it up for sale and advertised a new roof and new bathroom!

It sold a few weeks later and I’m sure the money would have allowed him to make even a token gesture, but we heard nothing.

Years later, OP’s wife wants to see her dad.

Fast forward 4.5 years later and we are ‘home’ for a holiday.

Wife wants to meet with her dad and wants me to go with our three kids.

I said no for the following reasons: he pulled a massive d*ck move on us when we were in no position to argue, and he knew this and used it. He has never offered an apology or any money back. He hasn’t contacted me at all and barely bothered with his grandkids for a few years.

But my wife kept pushing and the relationship is recovered well enough that they are going for a meal.

I declined to join them and my wife has accused me of not caring about her feelings at all.

So AITA?

It could be worth it to go see the father-in-law with the family for a meal just that one time and see how it goes. It’s not like they’d see him again any time soon, and it would make his wife happy.

Let’s see how Reddit responded…

This reader gives a reason to go.

Another reader suggests a reason his wife might want him to go.

This person thinks the wife “is wrong.”

Another person thinks his wife needs to consider his feelings.

Another reader thinks the father-in-law needs to apologize.

Perhaps he could tell his wife that he’ll go this one time but unless his father-in-law apologizes, he’ll never go back.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.