Despite how far society has come over the past decades, there are some ideals that many people can’t seem to shake.

And for the guy in this story, his girlfriend’s outdated ideals are causing friction in their relationship.

Worse still, she’s projecting them onto him.

Read on to find out how this is affecting their communication and time together.

AITA for suggesting my girlfriend cut her hair short after she called it a nightmare to deal with?

I am a 28-year-old man with a 26-year-old girlfriend who has very long hair down to her waist.

She’s always had it like that, or ever since I met her, and it’s been a big part of her. She puts a lot of time and effort into maintaining it, which I also contribute to – things like hair masks, special brushes, drying techniques, etc.

But it’s not easy having long hair.

The thing is that even before we started dating back in uni, she constantly complained about it. Like at least once a day.

She talks about how heavy it feels, how long it takes to wash and dry, how it gets tangled, how it’s annoying to sleep with, how she’s late to things because she’s dealing with it.

I always just try to listen and sympathize as best as I can, despite having had short hair all my life.

So when his girlfriend continued complaining, he thought he’d try to help.

The other night she was brushing it out before bed and groaning about it as per usual.

I was in bed with my earphones on and popped one off to reply – and this is where I think I might be at fault by being slightly absentminded.

I just responded normally enough that if she didn’t want to deal with that, that she didn’t need to keep it long and that I thought she’d look incredible either way.

Read on to discover what his girlfriend thought about this suggestion.

She didn’t respond to me, which was fine because it’s common for us to listen to what each other say but not really remember, or feel the need to respond.

So she didn’t say anything in the moment but later told me that what I said was really hurtful and made her feel like I don’t appreciate her enough.

For more context, she was raised more traditionally than I was – we both had a Catholic upbringing, but I drifted away from it very quick while it took her until uni to throw away some older school values.

She has interesting reason for having long hair.

She told me she’s always believed that men prefer long hair, and that it’s what makes women, and her in particular to me, look feminine and attractive.

She said she’s kept it long in part because she thought it’s what guys are drawn to, especially me.

Let’s see how he responded to this suggestion.

I just responded saying I wasn’t saying she should cut it, just that she could – especially since she says she hates it so much. I honestly figured I was being supportive and honest and not critical or forceful.

Now she’s being kind of distant and keeps making snide little comments like, well maybe I’ll just shave it off if that’s what you want, and saying stuff like I’m clearly projecting a specific woman onto her.

This obviously wasn’t my point, and I’ve been reassuring her that its not the case –  but she says I embarrassed her and made her feel like all her effort has gone unappreciated.

And all I’ve been saying back is that I was just responding to her own frustrations and trying to tell her she has options and that I happen to completely okay with any of those options as long as she’s happy too.

And all this has left him in a real state of confusion.

For clarification, I never pressured her to do anything, I only suggested something I thought would seem better for her.

She can do whatever she wants with her hair and I just genuinely thought I was being supportive in offering a perspective she hadn’t considered, but now I’m thinking i might’ve misread the moment?

AITA?

It’s clear that what he said was out of care and compassion for his girlfriend, who was clearly struggling with maintaining hair that she doesn’t particularly enjoy.

But he has inadvertently caused her to question her own values and ideas around femininity and attractiveness – so it’s no wonder that she’s confused. But it’s no reason to take it out on him.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person thought that the woman had only herself to blame.

While others thought that his words had affected her own image of herself.

Meanwhile, this Redditor explained that the woman’s views of men are immature and outdated.

Meanwhile her boyfriend is trying to be kind and supportive.

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