Turning 16 is a big deal for your children, and for many people, that means it is time to get them their first car.

What would you do if you and your ex (the child’s father) always planned on buying them a car for their 16th, but now that it was approaching, he was making the whole process difficult?

That is what happened to the mom in this story, so eventually she just gave their child her existing car and said it was only from her. Now, Dad is upset about it and says she should have given him partial credit for the gift.

Personally, I think he handled himself poorly, even if his feelings are understandable. Read through the full story below and see what you think.

AITA for not giving my ex credit for a car I bought our daughter without his help

My ex and I (both 45) were married for 20 years and we are both successful in our careers.

That is quite a gift.

We had always promised our children a car when they turned 16 and got their license. We talked to them about it a lot, specifically as a reward for working hard at school and then jobs.

It’s something we both felt strongly about because we did not grow up with those kind of resources.

That would be a great car for a kid (or anyone).

When our oldest child turned 16, my ex and I had been divorced for years. After we divorced, I purchased a new car. 100% my money.

About the time our oldest child got their license, I had only $7K left to pay on it (meaning I had already made more than $15K in payments on it).

I can kind of understand why he wouldn’t want to go in on that specific vehicle.

It was safe and under warranty, only ever driven by myself and the child – it was the car they used when learning to drive. I approached my ex about splitting the remaining $7K to give the child that car.

Ex adamantly refused and said I am not paying for your car. Sent ex the loan paperwork, showing all I’d paid and all left to pay, and also suggested he could send the money directly to that bank if he didn’t trust me to do it.

He wants to have the experience of shopping for a car with their child. That is understandable.

To be clear, if my ex had agreed, he would have paid $3500 toward a $20K+ car and it would have been from “us.”

He said his original deal was the only option: he would pay for half of the car if we can all go shopping together and he has a say in all details of the car.

This is definitely true. This car would be great for their kid.

I argued that we weren’t going to find a car that had had no accidents, all the maintenance done, was still under warranty and had such low mileage for the $7K.

Our child had already asked if they could have that car and knew their Dad and I were talking about it – child had talked about it with both of us.

She definitely doesn’t need to lie about it. Teaching the kid about the costs of things like this is part of car ownership.

My ex wouldn’t budge and dragged the discussions out for over a month. So, I finally just decided to pay off the car and gave it to our child.

I bought another car for myself. When I gave our child the car they asked about how it finally worked out. I explained the total cost of the car, the payments I’d made, the $7K, and that her Dad did not want to go in on the final payments of the car. I told her the car was from me.

His disappointment is understandable. This reaction is not.

My ex is furious that I “robbed him” of a chance to fulfil a promise to our child. He’s also mad he missed the moment our child realized/saw that the car was all theirs.

He said I’m just trying to make him look bad. He believes that because he pays child support the car should be from both of us and I should have said the car was from both of us.

A gift like this is not part of child support.

While he has always paid child support (on time and he has been great about that), that money went for the children’s day to day needs – food, daycare, activities, sports, etc.

Our custody agreement is that doc visits, cars and college are to be split 50/50 when the time comes.

The father handled this situation very poorly.

So, I believe I covered his half and he wants credit for something he had nothing to do with – all payments on the car, insurance, taxes, maintenance and gas (both before and after I gave it to them) were paid by me.

AITA?

If he wanted to be more involved, he should have been more open to different ideas and not dragged his feet. I can understand why he is upset, but he should be upset with himself.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who abandoned their own D&D campaign when their friends stopped paying attention.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

She has no reason to lie to make him look good.

His hurt feelings are not her problem.

Her ex really is in the wrong on this.

She tried to include him, but he refused.

Child support doesn’t go toward this type of thing.

He had every opportunity to be a part of this gift, but he refused. There is no way that he is going to take credit at this point.

I don’t understand why he thinks that they should tell their child that the vehicle is from both of them. That just isn’t true.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.