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Moving plans can reveal friendship problems long before anyone actually packs a box. Four friends agree to find a London place together, but one woman needs slightly more time before committing to a neighborhood.

Instead of slowing down, the others quietly create another group chat and secure a three-bedroom place without telling her.

Let’s see how this story turned into feelings of betrayal.

AITA my closest friends moved in together without me

I (23F) and 3 close friends Vic, Dan (23Ms) and Pea (23F) planned to move to London together this Aug.

I was the common friend between all of them but Pea & Vic soon became friends.

For months we’d meet and make plans. Pea and Dan had jobs starting in Sept so Aug was our move-in date.

Great plan. But of course, things can always go wrong. What happens here?

My own rental ended in Sept but I planned to replace myself in Jul to save money and avoid paying double rent.

By late Jun no one had taken my room and I was getting anxious. I reminded everyone I couldn’t do an end-of-Jul move.

Fair reminder. Will they agree?

They agreed to focus on Aug as originally planned. But then Vic started acting passive-aggressively in the group chat pushing for Jul places and pressuring me to illegally sublet.

On Friday Vic & I had our first 3 viewings in and around Brixton, which Pea was pushing for as her aunt had a house and she knew the area.

Reasonable ask. But will OP be up for it?

I had never been but was willing to scout it out despite warnings from my friends. Over the course of the viewings I realised it wasn’t for me.

I preferred the 3rd place we viewed in Herne Hill but it was ruled out due to Dan’s commute. At one point Vic called Pea and kept asking if he could put her on speaker which I found suspicious.

Hm. I mean, is it sus or normal? Tough to say.

That night I was shocked when they wanted to put in an offer already after only one round of viewings.

I messaged the group saying I wasn’t comfortable with Brixton and proposed other areas we’d already agreed on. They were civil but cold.

OK, so things are cooling here. And maybe OP shouldn’t live with them at all?

The next day I was too stressed/ill to attend another viewing.

I called Pea to address the tension in the group and she started crying, saying she was stressed about her job starting and felt hurt I hadn’t agreed with her opinion on Brixton’s safety.

She accused me of not compromising and compared my safety concerns to her preference for furnished places.

Oh. Well. Safety first, right? Or… no?

Pea was dead set on putting in an offer by the end of the week which was too soon for me given I still didn’t have anyone for my room and wanted to view more places.

Trying to save both our wellbeing I proposed Vic’s earlier idea: they could move first and I’d join them after X-mas.

Sounds like a compromise. But will it be enough?

We had a group call and everyone was on board. I made it clear I couldn’t delay longer than January.

But the next day Pea messaged that she couldn’t commit to relocating at all any more saying she wanted to settle.

I found out she had called the others in advance before letting me know via the group chat which felt hurtful after I’d told her I didn’t like things going on behind my back.

Ah, bummer. Behind the back! Not a cool play. How will OP relocate now?

Less than 24hrs later Dan told me they had an offer accepted on a 3-bed in Brixton. I had no idea this was happening.

Vic and Pea haven’t spoken to me since. I quietly left the group chat. I’ve since learned they created a separate group chat without me the day Vic and I did viewings.

Ouch. Kicked outta the group chat. Will OP remain friends with D, P, and V?

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I feel heartbroken and betrayed especially by Pea who I considered one of my best friends and I have no one else I can move in with meaning I can’t stay in London.

AITA for feeling this way or could I have done more?

Sounds like everyone wanted different things.

What do the comments think?

This person says, renting is hard; don’t take it personally.

Someone else offers the wisdom of age.

This person says, they just couldn’t wait.

Another person says, sometimes the majority wins.

Another person says, maybe this just wasn’t for you.

She thought everyone had agreed the others would move first and she could join later, only to discover they had already chosen a place without her. Learning they had created a separate group chat made the situation hurt even more, especially after she had specifically asked for open communication.

Nothing says “we’re planning this together” quite like a secret planning chat.

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Author

Chris Allen