Long-distance relationships are difficult no matter what, but they are even harder when there are obstacles that make visiting more stressful than it needs to be.

That is the situation in this story where her boyfriend’s roommate hates her so much that he isn’t even willing to be in the same country as her.

This has resulted in extra stress when it comes to visiting, and even arguments between her and her boyfriend. Now she doesn’t know what to do.

In my opinion, she needs to get her boyfriend to get his own apartment so they can ignore his roommate entirely. Read through the full story and see what you think.

My BF’s (20M) roommate/business partner (20M) is manipulating him into choosing between me (19F) and him, and I feel like I’m the only one who sees what he’s doing

I’m 19F and I’ve been with my BF (20M) for four years.

It is unfortunate that they don’t get along.

He recently permanently moved to Dubai with his best friend/business partner (20M). They run a business together, they’re thankfully doing really well, and they’ve decided to rent a penthouse together and live together.

The problem is that his business partner basically refuses to be anywhere near me, and this whole thing started over something incredibly stupid around two years ago.

They are being weird about it.

Basically, I was logged into my BF’s business account at the time. His business partner was texting the account, and his girlfriend happened to be logged into his account too. My BF sent a weird message/joke from the business account, but because I was also logged in, they assumed I was the one who sent it.

I didn’t. We tried explaining that it wasn’t me, but ever since that incident, his girlfriend apparently told him to block me everywhere, never speak to me, and essentially never be around me. And for whatever reason, he has followed that religiously for the past two years.

At least her boyfriend is making it work.

For most of that time, I honestly didn’t care that much. We all lived in different countries, so it wasn’t like I regularly had to see him anyway. Sometimes there would be some indirect communication through my BF, but that was pretty much it.

Then this February, my BF and his business partner had a business trip to Dubai that happened to overlap with Valentine’s Day. My BF flew me out so we could spend Valentine’s together.

How immature.

That was the first time I realized how extreme this situation actually was. The moment I arrived, his business partner basically disappeared to Dubai Mall because he didn’t even want to be in the same hotel/building as me.

At one point, they needed to go somewhere and my BF suggested that his business partner could just come with us, they could drop me off, and then continue with whatever they needed to do. He refused.

She is being very understanding about all of this.

He basically said, “No, drop her off first, then come back and get me. I can’t. I’m not allowed.”

I remember thinking it was weird, but I just assumed his girlfriend was controlling and he was trying to avoid an argument with her. I wasn’t going to interfere in their relationship, so I left it alone.

But now the situation is completely different.

It is great that travel is so easy for them.

A little over a month ago, I moved to Europe for university. At basically the same time, my BF permanently moved to Dubai, and so did his business partner. They’re now going to be living together.

My degree gives me a LOT of holidays. I’m also fortunate enough to have a passport that means I can pretty much spontaneously travel to Dubai whenever I have time, and my BF is fortunate enough financially that seeing each other relatively regularly isn’t really an issue.

Seeing each other in person is important.

So, when we realized we were going to be long-distance, one of the things that made it easier was knowing that I could still visit him pretty frequently.

Except apparently his roommate has now decided that he will do basically anything to stop me from coming to Dubai.

Some roommate boundaries are fine, but this is over the top.

And this is where I’m starting to lose my mind. His roommate has been making it into this massive issue and basically putting my BF in a position where he feels like he has to choose between us.

First, it was basically that no girls would be allowed at their apartment. Fine. I actually understand having boundaries with a roommate and not wanting random hookups or people constantly coming over.

But I’m not some random girl my BF met two weeks ago.

Now this is just silly.

I have been with this man for FOUR YEARS. We are literally talking about marriage and our future together. I’m not asking to move into their apartment. I’m asking to be able to visit my long-term BF when I fly across continents to see him.

Then apparently the compromise became that I could come over, but only for one or two hours. What the heck?

I’m flying from Europe to Dubai to see my BF of four years and his roommate is essentially giving me visiting hours?

It is obvious that the roommate (and his girlfriend) are trying to get them to break up.

It genuinely feels more restrictive than our parents. Like, I’m an adult travelling internationally to see my long-term partner and apparently I’m supposed to come over for an hour or two and then leave because his roommate said so?

It’s also causing arguments between me and my BF now, which is what makes me the most upset. I keep asking him why his roommate has this much control over our relationship.

She is more than understanding.

Obviously it’s also his roommate’s home and I completely understand that he deserves to feel comfortable there. I would NEVER expect my BF to tell him, “screw you, she’s staying here for three months and you have no say.”

But surely there’s a massive difference between respecting your roommate and allowing your roommate to dictate whether your girlfriend of FOUR YEARS can even spend normal amounts of time with you?

Her frustration is very understandable.

I eventually told my BF that this could genuinely be the last straw for me. Because if this is what our long-distance relationship is going to look like, I don’t want it.

We have one life. We’re incredibly fortunate that distance doesn’t necessarily have to stop us from seeing each other. I have the freedom to travel and he has the financial ability to make these trips happen. Why the heck would we willingly turn long-distance into “you can visit me for two hours because my roommate doesn’t like you”?

It is not a competition.

And the weirdest part is that I feel like his roommate is creating some competition between us that literally does not need to exist.

He is my BF’s best friend, roommate, and business partner. I am his girlfriend of four years and potentially his future wife. Those are completely different relationships.

I’m not trying to replace his best friend. I’m not trying to interfere with their business. I don’t care how much time they spend together. They literally LIVE together and work together.

Honestly, this is crazy behavior.

So, why am I somehow being treated like a threat? My BF just told me that his roommate has now said that when I come to Dubai, he’ll literally just fly to Malaysia or somewhere else while I’m there.

And sure, technically that solves the immediate problem. But I still hate it. Because that’s not the dynamic I want either.

Why does this grown man have to LEAVE THE COUNTRY because his best friend’s girlfriend is visiting? Why can’t we just exist in the same room?

She just wants everyone to be cool.

Why can’t the three of us sit down, eat dinner, talk about what happened two years ago and move on?

I’m not asking this guy to love me. I’m not even asking him to particularly like me. I just want us to be able to be civil with each other. If he has an issue with me, TALK TO ME. Confront me.

Tell me what the heck I supposedly did that was so horrible that two years later you cannot physically sit in the same apartment as me, let alone the same country now.

How horrible.

Instead, I don’t even speak to this man directly. Everything happens through my BF.

His roommate says something to him. My BF tells me. I get mad. I say something to my BF. My BF goes back to his roommate.

It feels like I’m in a relationship conflict with someone I DON’T EVEN TALK TO.

These are not unreasonable desires.

And meanwhile, my actual relationship is taking the damage. I’m supposed to fly to Dubai in about a week and instead of being excited to see my BF, I’m stressed about this entire  situation.

I want to be able to visit my BF and feel like I’m welcome in his life. I want to be able to sit on his couch, order food, watch something together, spend normal time with him and actually feel at home with the person I’ve spent four years with.

These people really know how to hold onto a grudge.

I don’t want to fly across continents just to feel like some forbidden visitor whose presence has to be negotiated with his roommate beforehand.

And I especially don’t want my BF constantly stuck in the middle between his girlfriend and his best friend/business partner.

I genuinely don’t understand how something that happened TWO YEARS AGO something I didn’t even fucking do has turned into this.

She is not being unreasonable at all.

Am I being unreasonable because technically it’s his roommate’s home too? Or is his roommate taking this way too far?

And more importantly, how the heck are we supposed to fix this dynamic long-term if my BF and I are actually heading towards marriage?

Her feelings are completely understandable. At the end of the day, this is an issue between her and her boyfriend. He needs to be willing to solve it.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say.

Yup, it is this simple.

Who knows what is really being said.

Here is someone who thinks she should leave him.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a neighbor who takes advantage of an inexhaustive HOA-approved plant list.

Her boyfriend does seem cowardly.

This commenter says the boyfriend is the problem.

This is a problem between her and her boyfriend. The roommate is just a catalyst.