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Safe to say that welcoming a child into your home still requires basic communication with the adults responsible for them.

This mother grew concerned when her daughter’s new friend began appearing unexpectedly and repeatedly pushing household boundaries.

After one especially long visit revealed another surprising detail, she decided casual sleepovers could not continue without answers.

See why one simple request divided everyone in the house.

AITA for saying my daughter’s friend can’t come back to our house until I’ve spoken to her parents?

My 12-year-old daughter “CC” met this girl, I’ll call her Katie (13) at an intensive summer dance programme in August.

Katie seemed like a nice enough kid – and for the most part I think she is – but since school started things are starting to concern me.

Katie and CC don’t go to the same school, in fact Katie’s school is quite far from us and she lives near there, apparently.

I say apparently because Katie just kind of appears at our house as if from nowhere.

Read on to find out more about this odd situation.

She says she takes the bus for about 45 minutes, but she’ll appear at weird hours, like 7.30am on a Saturday.

She also comes over after school some days, which I don’t mind but we have a rule that no one stays past 6pm on a school night, a boundary she routinely pushes.

She’s getting very comfortable pushing boundaries in general, such as coming for a sleepover with a suitcase of clothes and asking our helper to do her laundry (some of which I’m pretty sure isn’t even hers), or inviting herself to come on outings.

And the biggest thing is, I’m pretty sure she’s stealing from our house.

Let’s see what sparked this mom’s suspicions.

We have a store room full of stuff we buy in bulk and take to bathrooms and kitchen as needed. Now, I’m not counting our things like a crazy person, but I know generally what we use and what’s going down quicker than usual.

And I guess the big red flag and the reason I’m making these posts is that I’ve never seen or heard from this girl’s parents.

She came to the dance classes by herself, she comes and goes from our house by herself, never has invited CC over because she says she shares a room with her brother.

If I ever ask to speak to her parents about her having a sleepover, she says she texted them and they’re not home/at work/at a function and can’t talk.

And though her husband wasn’t concerned, this mom got increasingly concerned.

I’ve let it go for now because I’m trying to be sensitive to the fact that not all parents have the time to be all over their kids, and I know I’m pretty protective and some parents are more free range.

My husband, who spent his teenage years away from home for days at a time, says it can happen in some families and that I’m being a bit harsh.

But the final straw for me was last weekend. I went away for a few days, came back Sunday afternoon, and Katie had been there since Friday.

She asked to stay another night, to which we said no because we don’t do sleepovers on school nights. She just didn’t leave and stayed for dinner.

Then something happened that made this mom put her foot down.

I asked if she was going to be okay taking the bus home or if she wanted a ride or to call her parents, to which she said her parents were out of town for the weekend and only getting back tomorrow.

Apparently her brother was in charge at home.

This was it for me.

Now, I love my husband, and I know he’s a safe person, but here’s a teenage girl sleeping over without an adult female present in a day and age where most people aren’t even letting their kids have sleepovers – and the parents don’t even know.

Read on to find out what made her so concerned.

I just feel like this opened us up to crazy liabilities. I was kind of glad Katie didn’t call her parents because I’d have no idea who would be turning up on my doorstep or if they’re even okay that their daughter is here.

It just put in perspective to me that I’m not okay with this complete lack of communication.

I told CC that next time Katie comes over, I will need to speak to her mother before she comes or she’s not allowed.

I just feel I need to take a hard line on this. Katie’s parents could be totally normal people who are just busy, that’s fine, I just need to know whose kid is in my house.

And she was not only concerned about her own family, but about Katie too.

By the same token, if there is something wrong, I have zero information about them to hand over to relevant agencies. I just need something to go off.

And if god forbid their kid slips and falls in my house I want to know they at least know where she is.

My daughter thinks I’m being unfair and overbearing.

My husband is supporting me but privately said there’s a ton of reasons a kid would be embarrassed of their parents, and I should mind my own business. He is all for stricter rules on Katie coming over but says I need to drop the parent condition.

All of this has left the mom in a really difficult situation.

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I’m not trying to be over the top and nosey, and I’m not asking for one big family dinner.

I just want to be sure that the adults know where their kid is, and that they’re okay with her being there.

Is that too much to ask? Am I wrong for issuing an ultimatum and not just mind my own business?

AITA?

It’s in this mom’s instinct to be concerned – and rightfully so, since Katie’s situation keeps getting more and more suspicious.

The fact that the young girl is riding the bus some distance alone, seems to be independent from her parents, is taking stuff from the pantry and needing her laundry done at her friend’s house all points in one direction, and it’s not a good one.

Regardless of if Katie’s parents are neglecting her, or if they really are just very trusting of their child, her friends, and their parents, it’s important that this mom understands what is really going on – for the safety of everyone involved.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person highlighted the red flags, to help the woman understand the seriousness of the situation.

Meanwhile, childhood abuse survivors explained how typical Katie’s situation was.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who changed their minds about donated items, only to return to the shop to find them all sold.

And this Redditor suggested a positive action that the mom could take.

This mother required contact with Katie’s parents after the teenager repeatedly arrived unannounced and would stay for days.

Her rule was pretty reasonable, and the unusual behavior suggested that a trusted adult should learn more about the girl’s situation rather than ignore it.

Hosting a mystery child should not require detective work.

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Author

Chris Allen